i am going to starve to death

i don't think i have had "real" morning sickness yet. my doctor says it usually hits really bad around 9 weeks.. but i have had horrrrrrible food aversions for about three weeks now. and maybe there is some type of morning sickness mixed in. i will be starrrving. where my tummy is rumbling. so. i go to the kitchen.. sit there for about ten mins or so trying to figure out what i should eat. nothing. and i mean NOTHING looks eatable. it's all blah to me. but i know i need to eat so i try to grab the most nutritious thing doesn't look as blah to me. for instance. today. grapes dipped into yogurt. grapes seem to go down well. it's when i am done eating it my stomach starts to mess with me. if it could speak, this is what i imagine it would say "im hungry still. oh wait no i am not. oh yes i am. no i am not. yes i am. no i am not.......no.. im not hungry.... in fact these stupid grapes suck.....im mad.... give me more foooooooodzzzzzzzz.................im full but i want more fooooooooddddzzzzzzzzz. feed.me.now!!"

ugh. so i go back to the kitchen.. mind you i am NOT HUNGRY.. in fact i am starting to feel blah. blah as in. well. blah. not sick just blah. my stomach is rumbling at me [still]. but again. nothing is appealing. so confused on what i should do.. should i ignore the empty "feed me now" or the "you're full do not put anymore food in your mouth" feeling? every single time it's different. i decided to force down more food but this time my stomach is reallllly not happy with me. in fact. it's pissed. i'm not dry heaving. but i feel if i tried, i could be. im guessing it was because it was FULL. what am i to do? my stomach doesn't even know what it wants so how am i supposed to know? the only thing i have been craving so far is ICED WATER.. I HATED ICED water before becoming pregnant.. i looove water but only at room temperature. the last four days or so it has to be ICED because omg my mouth just waters when i think of iced water. especially when i shake it and hear the ice clinking against the glass..drinking it is like a huge relief on my stomach but sometimes i will drink too much.. it's all i am craving these days and i become waterlogged which then turns to dry heaving later because i already have a full stomach of food my body didn't even want to begin with.

again. im not sure if it really is morning sickness.. i have had two moments where i was dry heaving and it's been around the same time of the night both times. so.. who knows. i can't stand certain smells.. mexican is a HUGE trigger for me.. just thinking about it makes me ill. david has to eat at restaurants alone before coming home because i can't tolerate the smells. on our anniversary we went to our favorite mexican resturant. i took one bite.. looked at david and said "i can't eat this........" "it's okay honey, don't worry about it, we will get you something else".. i ended up drinking FIVE glasses of iced water!!!!!!! and i was full.. my body was happy as if it had food.. last weekend i craved ONLY salads.. especially cucumbers. maybe i should have cucumbers with ranch dressing tonight.. i have to eat something..

oh and i looove pickles.. i know it's a huge craving women get when they are later in their pregnancies but i mean I REALLY love pickles.. i was a fan of pickles before but not like this.. my mouth waters thinking about them [just like the iced water]. my doctor told me yesterday "you are two pounds lighter than two weeks ago" hahahahahaha.. maybe my body thinks my body fat is tastier than real food? dunno.. oh and junk food that I USED TO LOVE like ice cream. chocolate. candy etc makes me gag.............. i'm okay with that but it's just strange how quickly my food aversions change and affect me.