pink.lemonade

i took these pictures this evening on our way home from visiting my aunt (not far from where we live, 2 villages to be exact).. it's currently grape harvesting season right now... the grapes are sweet and prime for wine.. 

two weeks ago i cried about david leaving and how i wished i was leaving with him.. it took me a full day to get over it.. now i lay here wishing i didn't have to leave! i have been really exhausted and tired lately.. i'm not sure if it's because of the weather (chilly, windy, rainy) or if ashton is sucking the life out of me (it could be a little bit of both). it makes me feel like i didn't get to take full advantage of my stay here.. and now i have a million regrets already as i only have one full day left. the fact my nesting has begun (though, being around my ocd clean family didn't help) and david's constant fret over birthing classes, insurance, and "how the hell are we going to afford all the crap we still need" emails. it was hard to feel calm or energized! then on top of that i would sit here around at midnight anxiously waiting for david to get online. so i stayed up way later than i should have most nights trying to talk to him for one second. i feel sad and empty again like the day david left.. i love it here so much and i feel like i didn't take full advantage of it. now i have to go pack up my things and all i want to do is bury my face in the pillow and CRY! EMOTIONAL! i blame that on the pregnancy too! next time i will visit i will have a little boy to bring along!

on the other end though.. i am happy to be going back to the states. david can wrap his loving warm arms around me and i can breathe a sigh of relief as i suck his scent in.. then i get to see my cats.. oh HOW I MISSED velveeta! i missed all four of my cats but velveeta i missed the most! i found this picture of her that i took right before i left over a month ago! 

omgosh i want to hold her so bad! i will be happy to be back home so i can start gutting out our apartment (boy, do i have a list going) and start getting ready for baby ashton's arrival.. (an even bigger list). our goal is to have everything done in two months even though ashton is supposed to be here in three.. christmas is always a happy yet stressful time for us (okay just me.. david is the most relaxed around christmas). the last thing i need or WANT is to drive my big fat pregnant butt out in holiday traffic and deal with the holiday crowds to get what i need for him.. i picture my last month of pregnancy barefoot, inside my warm heated home, baking cookies and stuffing my face full of holiday food, not feeling one bit guilty about it and watching endless hours of christmas movies and shows..

i guess my emotions are just overwhelming for me right now.. perhaps i am wearing down from it without realizing it.. im sad but happy.. makes NO sense.. bottom line.. i don't want to leave here.. but i want david and my cats! david should pack up the cats and come back here and stay here forever.. thats what he should do.. problem solved! we will live happily ever after! figuring life out is so freaking easy! pfft

on the up side.. ashton = a strong fetus! i swear pregnancy is an amazing thing.. it went from tiny little subtle kicks to FULL blown jabs and the movements! goodness.. he is one active little baby!i hope it stays that way.. this evening when we got home from visiting my aunt i laid down to take a break.. ashton was moving around as he always is in the evening (the boy has a schedule and he sticks to it!).. i love feeling him move so i had my hand on my stomach to enjoy it when all of a sudden my digestive system made a loud gurgling noise.. the kind that other people in the room can hear.. it startled ashton (since i'm sure its way louder in utero) he jumped hard.. it surprised me and i couldn't stop laughing.. pooor little baby.. i told my mom i am going to be the mom who laughs if an animal at the petting zoo sneezes on him.. or if he decides to taste sand..instead of freaking out.. i will be with my camera giggling.. good thing hes a boy.. i can't wait to finally meet him! i can't believe he is ALMOST here.. 

and to keep up with the, "anne freaks out about flying theme", our plane better not crash on the way home.. i am TOO excited about this baby and new life to have it all end for me.. HAHA.. no really though.. please pray for a safe flight.. i hate flying.. blah.. i am sure it's going to be fine.. but david wasn't smart about keeping his mouth shut regarding his flight back (lets just say he said "it felt like the plane was going to crash") and i am totally freaking out about it since its the exact same flight and plane i will be flying on sunday.. david had a bad flight to begin with.. the poor boy got wasted the night before because he couldn't keep up with his German peers (nothing to be ashamed of, German drinkers make frat boys look like wimps).. that story will come later with pictures! david had a really bad hangover the next morning (after a.. ehem.. rough night) and ended up sitting next to a guy who filled up two puke bags.. so yeah.. it wasn't a pleasant flight for david to begin with. but he SHOULD have known better to not mention PLANE CRASH to his frail "scared to fly" wife.. amiright? tianft