pink.lemonade

i'm like a solar panel. i don't have very much power if there isn't any sun available! lol. i have been so lazy the last four days. first two days were cloudy and below freezing and the last two days have been above freezing, but under 40F and drizzly/foggy. i love rain so i am more than welcoming the drizzle. however, i  do not have any energy unless the sun is out. i am slugging and david's brother is coming in tonight. the apartment isn't extremely messy (thankgoodness) and david would argue that it is messy. i don't want to get my lazy butt off the couch to actually pick it up right now, but i sorta kinda have to. :o/a week ago when i was freaking out about the apartment david told me it wasn't a big deal. when i pointed out that his brother would be in town next week and i had to have it finished, his exact words were, "zachary isn't going to care. it's not a big deal honey".

HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahaa. ehem. just fyi. last night, david was the one freaking out about the apartment. i pointed out to him that's not what he said last week. he doesn't recall saying it. just like i don't recall him saying i am expensive when i requested money for some gear i want. 

okay, yesterday i **wanted** to be lazy but after my doctors appointment i had to drive around town (and that isn't an easy task in a big city) looking for cookie cutters. i have no damn idea why martha stewart advertises her crap on national tv ("you can get them at Macy's") when Macy's does NOT CARRY HER CRAP!? i wanted to make these reallllly cute santa cookies for christmas gifts. i figured it has to be easy to find these cookie cutters. i mean we have a gazillion macy's in a 60mile radius. wrong. none of them carry her, "christmas cookie cutters", and they also don't sell them ONLINE! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? why whore your merchandise out if you aren't even going to make it available to the public? doesn't make any sense. i finally found some at the chicago macy's.. you know the big one i talked about last summer. 9floors. yadda yadda yadda. but they won't ship them to me. so for the last two nights i have been tossing and turning in my sleep dreaming about stupid sugar cookie cutters.

after my long day running all over town, guess what i realized. apparently, a) everyone is baking christmas cookies this year or, b) stores don't think people bake christmas cookies. it took me 6 hours to find cookie cutters. i went to one williams sonoma and they didn't have ONE single christmas cookie cutter. after going to a million other places and my favorite (large) williams sonoma, i was able to find some christmas cookie cutters (on sale) but no SANTA COOKIE CUTTERS! ::::sigh::::. granted i found some really cute ones and i am not sure how they will play out in the end. but i realllllly wanted that stupid martha stewart santa cookie cutter! like REALLY wanted. so sad really because they would have been so cute to make! i also spent a fortune on dragees JUST for those cookies! and now i won't be making them! shame shame shame!

oh well. it didn't matter. at least i was gong to be able to sleep without dreaming about stupid sugar cookie cutters right?! wrong again. instead i had nightmare how i was going to decorate my new designs and also dreamt about ashton being born. who ended up turning into a cat and bit me after i gave him his first bath and tried dressing him in a sleeper.  this is the fourth "my baby is a cat" dream i have had. why do i keep having them?! what exactly is my subconscious trying to say to me?! ::side eye:: i woke up this morning wanting ashton as a human baby to come today. i know it isn't going to happen.  my appointment yesterday said i was only 60-70% effaced. no dilation yet. which is expected. i am only 38weeks pregnant and internals don't really say much anyway. but i wish ashton was here today. i don't know why. all last month i have been telling people i hope he stays in. how i'm not ready for him,  but today i wish i could hold him and snuggle him. it's a weird day for me. obviously. i also have a strange urge to go to babiesrus and get some recieving blankets and diaper cream. is that normal?! ::shrugs:: 

btw. i wanted to bake christmas cookies for gifts to SAVE MONEY. i will not share how much i have spent just to get all the supplies needed to make said cookies. but let's just say i could have saved money buying cheap $10 gifts for everyone (which is what david wanted to do before he thought cookies were more thoughtful). these cookies better come out perfect! lol.