starting to feel overwhelmed.. 

we are having lunch with davids college buddies today over in dallas.. i really don't' want to drive all the way out there :o( i feel fat and blah.. i haven't been feeling myself for a few days so i really just want to stay home and sleep or something.. instead we have to meet up with them.. don't get me wrong.. i like visiting his friends.. i just don't feel like it today..

david is getting on my last nerve too.. he always acts "funny" when we have to be somewhere.. he will just keep listing off things that need to be done even though i have told him to keep it to himself. i have my own list and it's organized the way it needs to be.. i don't like feeling overwhelmed and that's exactly where he has put me today.. then he wonders why i am in a weird mood.. um because you won't shut up about all the crap that needs to be done.. just chill the eff out for a few minutes while i collect my thoughts instead of springing all kinds of crap on me at once and expecting me to act all chipper and happy about it.. sorry but i don't function that way.. you would think in the 9 years he would have figured that out by now..

i really do have a lot i need to do this week.. i have to clean this place up.. ::looks around the house:: ugh.. then i have to start packing by thursday.. on saturday we have to take the train to the airport.. and that means we have to get up super early and leave super early.. everything needs to be finished.. I STILL haven't found a bella band.. it's getting frustrating.. i think i have passed the time limit i needed in order to order one online.. i just feel so overwhelmed and the more david tells me all the things we need to do the more overwhelmed i am going to become and the less chance i will get it done on time.. he needs to stop.. seriously.. putting me like this can bring down my immune system and that is the LAST thing i need right now.. i have never not had it all together.. i always get it done.. i have my own to do list.. he needs to shut up and be patient enough for me to get it together and just stick to his own list.. don't share it with me.. tia! 

have i mentioned how overwhelmed i feel today?! i want to stay home! i'm not depressed but i want to cry right now thanks to how i feel.. ugh.. let's hope a cool shower will help me feel better..

ugh.. another one

every time i fly and i mean every single time i fly.. it's nothing but plane crash this.. plane crash that.. or 'omg we came close to colliding in mid air and killing everyone'.. every.single.time. it never fails! fourth story in the last two and half weeks of huge airliners (delta.. american airlines etc etc) crashing or almost crashed.. getting worried again lol. 

i don't really believe in horoscopes.. i read them for fun every once in awhile.. and sometimes it's eerie how close it is.. but then i remind myself that it could really imply to anyone.. 

that said.. out of boredom tonight i decided i would research aquarius (my zodiac) and to my surprise i could not believe how much was right about me.. good and bad.

AQUARIUS:

these are my associated traits.. anyone who knows me (mostly my mother and tanna) will tell you i am almost all of these things..

anyone find it odd that it said my idea careers are computer technology and photography? i am going back to school (not this year) to study graphic/web design and photography is a huge hobby of mine.. i  read a lot about astronomy.. the universe other galaxies.. planets etc..  i also love to research things about science.. ::shudders:: scary.. lol

so then i was wondering what it would say about david's zodiac (a gemini).. again EERIE!

GEMINI:

now i will mention david and i aren't all these attributes.. but they are pretty darn close in comparison.. david also loves music.. he often tells me how he wishes he could play the piano professionally.. maybe he should consider it.. now that it says it's something he would be good at lol.. i am telling you this is creeping me out a bit lmao!.. david is very witty and finds humor in anything..

after reading both our personalities.. i wondered what our son, ashton, be like.. if everything sticks to schedule he will be a capricorn.. after reading about capricorns.. i hope ashton does come on time lol.. this is exactly the type of person i would hope for my son to become..
 

CAPRICORN:

it's a weird thought.. but considering how eerily our zodiacs represent david and me.. anything is possible i suppose.. i find it hilarious that it says capricorns are good in math.. i often tell my mother how i PRAY my kids will not have the trouble in math as i did growing up.. whether he is a capricorn or not, i really do hope he is good in math.. that part scares me :o( haha

i also want to add that gemini's and aquarians are a compatible match apparently.. which is probably why my best friend and husband are gemini's lol.. they are the two people i get along with the most.. strange?! coincidence? hmm..

i was messing around with my flash again this evening.. i almost blinded myself permanently by accident.. i was fooling around with my camera settings and had the flash close (less than 5inches away) to my left eye, when i accidently pushed the trigger and it went off.. i was blind for a good 15mins.. :o/

anyway. velveeta always makes sleeping look so cute.. i tried taking some pictures of her while sleeping. only after taking one shot she woke up.. and well, this is what happened..

click here to view larger

this was the picture i took right before i blinded myself with my own flash (i beez a smart onez).. i was trying to capture catch lights in her eyes.. i managed to get them but i wanted to be seen in her eyes.. i will need to work on it.. 

click here for larger to see the catch lights.. 

don't know what a catch light is? click to read..

ashton really is an active little baby.. i bet i will have my hands full with him when he gets here in four short months.. i'm starting to feel the kicks above my belly button..   i can't believe how high he is.. i keep forgetting he isn't the size of a little tadpole anymore.. 

i just read that my baby is sleeping  12-14hours a day now.. he is also the size of a papaya.. papayas are huge btw.. 

how boring for him to be awake for that long and have NOTHING to do.. no wonder he is always kicking... lol.. i should start reading outloud when i feel him kicking so he has something to listen too.. 

after reading the manual and researching tutorials on the speedlite 580ex ii.. i still have no idea how to use the flash properly or to it's full potential.. that said, it's still 150% better than the built in flash!

i used to consider myself a 'natural light' girl (meaning i only used natural light.. NO FLASH ever!).. i hated using flash on cameras.. they always make the picture look washed out.. harsh.. yadda yadda yadda.. but now, with my new external flash, i think i have been converted into an 'any light available' girl lol.. i love this flash! i needed this flash for ashton's arrival.. our apartment has horrible natural light and our CFL bulbs cast off a horrible gross green color in pictures.. the only options were to use a built in flash or never take pictures inside my apartment (i'm sure our first house won't have any natural light available either).. this new flash is going to come in handy when baby ashton gets here.. i am glad i got it before our trip to germany.. no telling when i might need it there and regret not getting it before the trip lolz.

i took a picture of velveeta in a dark room.. it was 10pm outside and the only light available in the entire room was a 30watt bulb.. this is the result..

poor cat lol.. blinded by the built in flash.. notice how harsh and uneven the lighting is?? i am at her eye level so you can't really see the harsh shadows usually casted off by built in flashes.. 

taken with my new external flash.. the flash was bounced off the white ceiling and it illuminated the entire room evenly without the harsh look of a built in flash (doesn't it look like i have great lighting in our apartment!?)and poor velveeta's eyes were able to stay open.. though, clearly she was not impressed.. 

btw.. no editing was done to either pictures.. these were SOOC.. did i mention how much i love this flash?! 

my flash is here!!! a day early.. purchased online yesterday and didn't pay for fast shipping either.. amazon.com rocks..

this flash is seriously the coolest thing ever.. i was too impatient to read the manual first.. instead, i ripped open the box, stuck four fresh batteries in, slid it on to my camera shoe, and chased the cats around testing it out.. it's way neat! now that i have the, "OMG MY NEW FLASH MUST PLAY WITH IT NOWWWWWW" itch out of my system i can read the manual and learn how to properly use it lol..

now i understand why it's important to invest in a good sturdy tripod.. add all the stuff you need to get the best shots and you got yourself a camera that weighs more than a newborn! just with my new flash it weighs a TON.. i can't imagine how much heavier it's going to get once i am able to get a new lens.. 

borderline hypothyroid.. again ::sigh::

 

my doctor (an endocrinologist) wanted to raise my dosage and have me come back in a few weeks for more bloodwork.. i smiled and said, "i will be in germany and won't be back until october 5th" ::::huge grin:::::. he sat there for a few mins.. thinking if he should raise it or not.. then explained how there is a slight concern if he raises it and i am not able to have my levels checked because i am in germany.. it could push me into hyperthyroidism and put me and my baby at risk for pre term labor (wtf.. not smiling anymore).. i am in the second trimester so it's not as big of a deal if i go into hypo again since ashton has his own working thyroid now and doesn't rely on mine like he did in the first trimester.. the only problem with falling back into hypo are the symptoms.. although, according to my endo.. i am already having hypo symptoms.. nothing serious and nothing that disrupts my daily life.. i have noticed i need more sleep than usual but i figured it had to do with the pregnancy (after all my body is growing a tiny human.. it should be tired lol!).. overall, i feel awesome.. there are some other small symptoms but like i said.. it doesn't really disrupt my life or my baby's at this point.. so no big deal to me

the doctor is going to keep me on my current dosage (75mcg) for now.. gave me a three week supply (samples) of the higher dosage (88mcg) just incase my symptoms get worse while in germany.. he also gave me an extra month on my current dosage in samples so i wouldn't' have to shell out the $40 for an extra month of synthroid (my insurance will only pay for one month at a time..and i need TWO months worth to not run out while in germany).. that way if i do need the higher dosage i wont' be on it for six weeks and there won't be a real risk to pre term labor (that term seriously freaks me out).. i will be tested the day after i get back from germany.. he kept stressing on it.. he overheard the receptionist telling me the doctor didn't have anything available until november.. doctor walked right over and said, "she's pregnant.. i have to see her the day she gets back.." turned to me and said, "if you ever have any issues or concerns and the receptionist tells you they can't get you in.. you tell them you are pregnant and corima [his nurse] told you to come in.. thyroid cancer and pregnant patients are my main priority and i always get them in asap".

is he not a great doctor or what?!!!!!? i am one lucky gal i tell ya!

i finally ordered my flash.. david fainted for a few mins from price shock.. i almost got scammed though.. i found it for way ($70 less) cheaper at this one place.. thank goodness i had a gut feeling something wasn't right and researched the company before giving them my credit card info.. never shop at fotoconnection.com.. read why here..  i couldn't shake the feeling of, "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is".. i am SOOOO SOOOO SOOOOO SOO glad i did my research first! the flash is supposed to be here wednesday.. i will post a new belly picture then.. it will give me a great way to play/practice with my new awesome flash lol.. this will be a "real" belly picture since i have finally "popped".. i have a baby buddha belly now.. i love it though.. i have never felt so fit and healthy.. :o)

finally!

david was finally able to feel his first kick today.. ashton was moving around a ton early this evening. gave a huge kick/punch for david to feel.. then an hour later i felt him again and this time i could see my stomach moving around.. it was a little weird but neat at the same time! lol.. he sure does move a lot.. 

i know how to sew pretty well.. i love sewing.. i started when i was a teenager and haven't stopped since... so of course i am going to sew for my baby boy..

i am not a fan of all the boy outfits on the market these days.. i really love janieandjack.com stuff because it follows a simple classic design.. or even jacadi.com.. but they can be money unless it's on sale. and i have already cleaned out their sale racks lol. (i need to take a picture for tanna :o)). david and i BOTH LOVE overall style stuff on boys.. bubbles (not the acutally blow bubbles.. bubbles as in baby clothing.. it means the outfit has a lot of fabric in the butt end and makes it bubble out and looks oh so cute on babies/toddlers).. i am also not a fan of character clothing.. not that there is anything wrong with having them.. i am sure we will have some outfits that have characters on them but for the most part i am skipping the character stuff and sticking to simple classic designs with simple classic fabric.. no characters.. and this can be reallllly hard to find right now pre-made.. when you do find it.. it's serious $$$.. stuff that never goes on sale.. so yeah.. i don't feel comfortable spending $50 or more on a classic outfit when i could easily make them myself.. i have started searching for vintage sewing patterns for boys.. and i purcahsed my first pattern that i plan on making lots of lol..

the pattern is from the 1940's.. i am skipping the bear characters on the outfits.. mainly because the pattern no longer has the transfer i need to accomplish it.. but it doesn't matter.. i can't wait to start making these.. if they turn out well.. (aka.. if i can sew them to make it look like i know what i am doing) i might even start selling them on etsy.com.. the lady who i bought this pattern from sold classic pre-made designs of the one above.. but has since stopped making them (looks like she is just selling lots of fabric).. i bookmarked her a long time ago before i was even pregnant and when we found out it was a boy i headed right over to etsy.com to find cute classic boy clothing.. only to find out she no longer makes them :o(.. here is one she made a long time ago.. it was a different pattern but it's the same concept.. i can't wait to make something like this and have my little boy wear it.. he will be so darn cute in it!

 

she actually made hers reversible.. i am going to try and do this.. it's a great idea.. 

long overalls are pretty easy to find nowadays at a resonable price.. but i think i might also try to find a pattern for a vintage style overalls to sew.. i also plan on making and selling (as soon as i get a pattern down) for classic smock style bibs.. i found them on my favorite photographers photostream of her daughter and fell in love with the bib.. ONLY AGAIN to find out that the designer quit making them.. grr.. so i am going to design and sew my own.. i can't post a picture of it on my blog, but you can see what i am talking about by clicking here.. 

not sure what else i plan on sewing.. i still need to sew a bassinet cover for our bugaboo stroller.. and our future playpen will need to have a custom made cover as well.. good thing i know how to sew.. lol.. 

even though i had a gut feeling it was a boy, i still can't believe it's a boy! i am going to have a son, is that not a crazy thought?! i find myself staring at our ultrasound pictures over and over and over. i want to grab him and just sqeeeeeze and eat him.. it's amazing how much personality he already has.. it seems so much more real now than before.. to see him move and suck on his hands.. ::stares at ultrasound pictures again:: i love him sooooo much and i haven't even met him.. and he's all ours! i have been so excited that i haven't even purchased my external flash yet!

i hope he is just as cute as david.. david was a super cute little boy.. someday i will post pictures of little david.. it's going to be so sweet having a little mini-me david running around.. i could see it in davids face yesterday on teh way home he is more than thrilled to have a little boy! he is already a proud dad! someone to play ball with.. take to baseball games.. ride roller coasters.. i can't wait to take our son to gymnastics.. little boy birthday parties.. ::sigh::

i am also hoping our little boy has curly hair.. curly hair on little boys is so adorable!!!!! david and i both agree we think our son is going to have brown hair.. everyone keeps mentioning how our son could end up with red hair.. not likely.. for one, red hair is extremely rare.. two.. both parents.. the father and mother have to carry the red hair gene.. on david's side no one has ever had red hair.. so the chances are extremely slim... i can't wait to meet ashton.. four months away! i have a feeling the next four months are going to go by fast since it's the holiday season.. first i will be in germany and that always GOES WAY TOO FAST.. halloween flies by.. state fair flies by.. thanksgiving flies by as does christmas.. so yeah.. it's going to be a fast four months LOL! i can't wait! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE BOY!!!! OMG!!!

hehehe.. now when we go to disneyworld i can get ashton mickey mouse ears with his name on it.. i have always wanted to do that for my kids.. so i absolutely can NOT WAIT until he is in my arms.. i want to stop daydreaming about having him and have him already lol!

it's a BOY!

david and i are elated.. we caught him sucking his hand (we have a picture!).. it was so freaking cute.. i had a smoothie before going in to wake the baby up.. as soon as she got the baby on the screen she said "this baby is an active one".. lol.. everything is perfect.. all organs developed like they should and right now he is measuring in the 52% percentile and said we should have a 7lb and (some ounces) baby.. has both his kidneys.. heart is perfect.. cord is perfect, everything is just perfect.. i was so relieved when the tech kept telling me how wonderful everything looked.. i have been worried sick that something could be wrong.. had a really hard time sleeping last night.. i feel great now though.. i was also officially cleared to go to germany! we are so excited.. david and i already have a boy name picked out.. we have had it for two years now lol.. and so far we still want to use it.. so we are pretty sure the baby's name is going to be ashton sean.. it's so nice finally knowing he's a boy.. now i don't feel so bad i bought all those boy baby clothes on sale at janie and jack lmao.. 

now to the ultrasound pictures.. don't have a scanner so i had to take pictures with the camera..

sucking his fingers.. it was so funny watching his mouth move lol.. 

he's looking at you.. lol.. eye sockets, nose, and mouth.. i think he has my chin from looking at this picture.. 

cutest foot ever.. i can't believe we can see all his little toes!

not a shy boy!

someone please make the next four hours go by quickly. pleeaasseee! i got no sleep last night.. maybe an hour or two.. with a buttload of nonbabyrelated nightmares.. one of my cats ended up puking and waking me up and then i just couldn't go back to sleep because i was so anxious.. ugh.. this day is seriously the slowest.day.ever.

i need to see my endocrinologist today to get some bloodwork done for my appointment on monday.. it's right across the street from my OBGYN and i am trying to fit it all in one day.. i have to be there before noon since that's when they go to lunch.. and my OBGYN/sono appt is at 2pm.. david has all day off today.. so we might eat some lunch before our sonogram.. i swear this day is so slooooowwwww lol.. and worst yet i bet you a million bucks this baby is going to be a surprise baby.. i just have this feeling that he/she is going to hide until birth.. that or my doctor will want to reschedule because she has to deliver someone else's baby lol.. my doctor has her own ultrasound machine.. i have a gut feeling something is going to go wrong lol.. 

well i am off.. HERES TO A HAPPY HEALTHY BABY and hopefully the sex.. 

this time tomorrow we will hopefully know what the sex of our baby is going to be! so exciting!!!! he has been moving and kicking so much today.. his kicks are getting stronger! so much so that i think david could even feel it.. too bad david is never around or near me when the baby kicks.. lol.. i joke to david that he will probably get his first kick on the plane to germany.. since it's 10hours of sitting there he will have plenty of time and chance to catch one! lol.. 

david is letting me get the external flash.. he can't say no to his pregnant wife.. lol.. love this man.. not because he buys me stuff but because he is just so caring and wants the best for me no matter what it happens to be.. and because of this.. i hope we are having a boy.. otherwise we will have a very spoiled daddy's girl.. secretly though, i am hoping it's a girl but have a gut feeling it's a boy.. david is rooting for a boy first lol.. hopefully butterball will let us know.. all i know if it's a girl.. david is going to have to get a second job lol :o)

i am so excited about getting this external flash.. bouncing and fill flash here i cooooomme! it's going to be awesome.. so many toys i want to get for this camera.. lol.. one at a time right? RIGHT?! i need to start saving for my lenses!!!! i don't think i will be getting one any time soon but you never know.. i could win the lottery.. if i don't have at least one of them by the time the baby is here, i am renting for a few weeks every month lol.. the kit lens is such a crappy lens.. it really is.. i know i should be appreciative that i at least have a DSLR. even if i have to use the kit lens for now.. getting the flash will make it a little bit better! my camera has a built in flash but any photographer will tell you how suckaroo they are.. it only enables you to use direct flash and that (imo) makes pictures ugly.. 

that means i won't be able to get my much needed tripod.. doesn't matter.. i feel this flash is one of the more important tools i need at this point.. i might get a gorilla pod that fits a DSLR.. just so the camera isn't always sitting on the ground and i can aim the camera at different angles.. something i wouldn't be able to do with just using the ground or whatever item i use. plus david wasn't really looking forward to carrying a huge tripod all over the place in europe lol.. i will show what this flash is capable of when i finally get it! lol.. it's awesome.. i have never even used one and know how awesome it is.. it really is a needed tool.. i'm not just saying that.. seriously. :o)

dear amazing wonderful awesome husband and future daddy, 

the baby wants you to buy me this.. 

much love..

your wife and future child who NEEDSwants this.. xoxox :o)

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

was this subtle enough? lol.. david has a hard time saying no when i say the baby wants it.. ::crosses fingers:: :o). "what baby wants.. baby gets".. davids own words.. so.. are you (david) going to say no to your "baby" who NEEDS this flash? i know you aren't.. why fight the urge.. the "baby" is going to ask you everyday until you give in.. ::flashes a sweet innocent grin towards david::