i am soooooo tired today.. i am feeling a bit better though.. i am glad we went to dallas to meet up with his friends.. amy and chris (david's ex-roommate) brought their 5month old son, andrew, and O.M.G. a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e! maybe one of the cutest little boys i have ever seen.. amy and chris are such amazing parents!  gave us great advice.. however, let me just tell you how much i hate dallas traffic.. with a passion.. 

i will also need to purchase a donut pillow to take along with us on our trip.. i am getting extreme tailbone pain from sitting too long.. it's getting so bad i was having a hard time walking around the mall this afternoon (we went to another mall to look for a bellaband.. no luck).. i feel like i need so many things i don't have for this trip.. i need to make a list of things i need to buy so i won't forget..

today was the first time in a long time that i felt i could use a nap.. i have been tired since i got up early this morning.. now that i think about it.. i didn't get any good quality rest last night.. i was tired but something just kept waking me up every hour for a few mins before i would doze off again.. and when david woke me up at 8am this morning i remember thinking "only a few more hours.. pleeaassee" lol.. i bet that's my problem today.. TIRED=not my normal self.. i am fighting really  hard to stay awake right now.. i don't want to go to bed too early but i dont' know how much longer i can last.. :o(

starting to feel overwhelmed.. 

we are having lunch with davids college buddies today over in dallas.. i really don't' want to drive all the way out there :o( i feel fat and blah.. i haven't been feeling myself for a few days so i really just want to stay home and sleep or something.. instead we have to meet up with them.. don't get me wrong.. i like visiting his friends.. i just don't feel like it today..

david is getting on my last nerve too.. he always acts "funny" when we have to be somewhere.. he will just keep listing off things that need to be done even though i have told him to keep it to himself. i have my own list and it's organized the way it needs to be.. i don't like feeling overwhelmed and that's exactly where he has put me today.. then he wonders why i am in a weird mood.. um because you won't shut up about all the crap that needs to be done.. just chill the eff out for a few minutes while i collect my thoughts instead of springing all kinds of crap on me at once and expecting me to act all chipper and happy about it.. sorry but i don't function that way.. you would think in the 9 years he would have figured that out by now..

i really do have a lot i need to do this week.. i have to clean this place up.. ::looks around the house:: ugh.. then i have to start packing by thursday.. on saturday we have to take the train to the airport.. and that means we have to get up super early and leave super early.. everything needs to be finished.. I STILL haven't found a bella band.. it's getting frustrating.. i think i have passed the time limit i needed in order to order one online.. i just feel so overwhelmed and the more david tells me all the things we need to do the more overwhelmed i am going to become and the less chance i will get it done on time.. he needs to stop.. seriously.. putting me like this can bring down my immune system and that is the LAST thing i need right now.. i have never not had it all together.. i always get it done.. i have my own to do list.. he needs to shut up and be patient enough for me to get it together and just stick to his own list.. don't share it with me.. tia! 

have i mentioned how overwhelmed i feel today?! i want to stay home! i'm not depressed but i want to cry right now thanks to how i feel.. ugh.. let's hope a cool shower will help me feel better..

ugh.. another one

every time i fly and i mean every single time i fly.. it's nothing but plane crash this.. plane crash that.. or 'omg we came close to colliding in mid air and killing everyone'.. every.single.time. it never fails! fourth story in the last two and half weeks of huge airliners (delta.. american airlines etc etc) crashing or almost crashed.. getting worried again lol. 

i don't really believe in horoscopes.. i read them for fun every once in awhile.. and sometimes it's eerie how close it is.. but then i remind myself that it could really imply to anyone.. 

that said.. out of boredom tonight i decided i would research aquarius (my zodiac) and to my surprise i could not believe how much was right about me.. good and bad.

AQUARIUS:

these are my associated traits.. anyone who knows me (mostly my mother and tanna) will tell you i am almost all of these things..

anyone find it odd that it said my idea careers are computer technology and photography? i am going back to school (not this year) to study graphic/web design and photography is a huge hobby of mine.. i  read a lot about astronomy.. the universe other galaxies.. planets etc..  i also love to research things about science.. ::shudders:: scary.. lol

so then i was wondering what it would say about david's zodiac (a gemini).. again EERIE!

GEMINI:

now i will mention david and i aren't all these attributes.. but they are pretty darn close in comparison.. david also loves music.. he often tells me how he wishes he could play the piano professionally.. maybe he should consider it.. now that it says it's something he would be good at lol.. i am telling you this is creeping me out a bit lmao!.. david is very witty and finds humor in anything..

after reading both our personalities.. i wondered what our son, ashton, be like.. if everything sticks to schedule he will be a capricorn.. after reading about capricorns.. i hope ashton does come on time lol.. this is exactly the type of person i would hope for my son to become..
 

CAPRICORN:

it's a weird thought.. but considering how eerily our zodiacs represent david and me.. anything is possible i suppose.. i find it hilarious that it says capricorns are good in math.. i often tell my mother how i PRAY my kids will not have the trouble in math as i did growing up.. whether he is a capricorn or not, i really do hope he is good in math.. that part scares me :o( haha

i also want to add that gemini's and aquarians are a compatible match apparently.. which is probably why my best friend and husband are gemini's lol.. they are the two people i get along with the most.. strange?! coincidence? hmm..

i was messing around with my flash again this evening.. i almost blinded myself permanently by accident.. i was fooling around with my camera settings and had the flash close (less than 5inches away) to my left eye, when i accidently pushed the trigger and it went off.. i was blind for a good 15mins.. :o/

anyway. velveeta always makes sleeping look so cute.. i tried taking some pictures of her while sleeping. only after taking one shot she woke up.. and well, this is what happened..

click here to view larger

this was the picture i took right before i blinded myself with my own flash (i beez a smart onez).. i was trying to capture catch lights in her eyes.. i managed to get them but i wanted to be seen in her eyes.. i will need to work on it.. 

click here for larger to see the catch lights.. 

don't know what a catch light is? click to read..

ashton really is an active little baby.. i bet i will have my hands full with him when he gets here in four short months.. i'm starting to feel the kicks above my belly button..   i can't believe how high he is.. i keep forgetting he isn't the size of a little tadpole anymore.. 

i just read that my baby is sleeping  12-14hours a day now.. he is also the size of a papaya.. papayas are huge btw.. 

how boring for him to be awake for that long and have NOTHING to do.. no wonder he is always kicking... lol.. i should start reading outloud when i feel him kicking so he has something to listen too.. 

after reading the manual and researching tutorials on the speedlite 580ex ii.. i still have no idea how to use the flash properly or to it's full potential.. that said, it's still 150% better than the built in flash!

i used to consider myself a 'natural light' girl (meaning i only used natural light.. NO FLASH ever!).. i hated using flash on cameras.. they always make the picture look washed out.. harsh.. yadda yadda yadda.. but now, with my new external flash, i think i have been converted into an 'any light available' girl lol.. i love this flash! i needed this flash for ashton's arrival.. our apartment has horrible natural light and our CFL bulbs cast off a horrible gross green color in pictures.. the only options were to use a built in flash or never take pictures inside my apartment (i'm sure our first house won't have any natural light available either).. this new flash is going to come in handy when baby ashton gets here.. i am glad i got it before our trip to germany.. no telling when i might need it there and regret not getting it before the trip lolz.

i took a picture of velveeta in a dark room.. it was 10pm outside and the only light available in the entire room was a 30watt bulb.. this is the result..

poor cat lol.. blinded by the built in flash.. notice how harsh and uneven the lighting is?? i am at her eye level so you can't really see the harsh shadows usually casted off by built in flashes.. 

taken with my new external flash.. the flash was bounced off the white ceiling and it illuminated the entire room evenly without the harsh look of a built in flash (doesn't it look like i have great lighting in our apartment!?)and poor velveeta's eyes were able to stay open.. though, clearly she was not impressed.. 

btw.. no editing was done to either pictures.. these were SOOC.. did i mention how much i love this flash?! 

my flash is here!!! a day early.. purchased online yesterday and didn't pay for fast shipping either.. amazon.com rocks..

this flash is seriously the coolest thing ever.. i was too impatient to read the manual first.. instead, i ripped open the box, stuck four fresh batteries in, slid it on to my camera shoe, and chased the cats around testing it out.. it's way neat! now that i have the, "OMG MY NEW FLASH MUST PLAY WITH IT NOWWWWWW" itch out of my system i can read the manual and learn how to properly use it lol..

now i understand why it's important to invest in a good sturdy tripod.. add all the stuff you need to get the best shots and you got yourself a camera that weighs more than a newborn! just with my new flash it weighs a TON.. i can't imagine how much heavier it's going to get once i am able to get a new lens.. 

borderline hypothyroid.. again ::sigh::

 

my doctor (an endocrinologist) wanted to raise my dosage and have me come back in a few weeks for more bloodwork.. i smiled and said, "i will be in germany and won't be back until october 5th" ::::huge grin:::::. he sat there for a few mins.. thinking if he should raise it or not.. then explained how there is a slight concern if he raises it and i am not able to have my levels checked because i am in germany.. it could push me into hyperthyroidism and put me and my baby at risk for pre term labor (wtf.. not smiling anymore).. i am in the second trimester so it's not as big of a deal if i go into hypo again since ashton has his own working thyroid now and doesn't rely on mine like he did in the first trimester.. the only problem with falling back into hypo are the symptoms.. although, according to my endo.. i am already having hypo symptoms.. nothing serious and nothing that disrupts my daily life.. i have noticed i need more sleep than usual but i figured it had to do with the pregnancy (after all my body is growing a tiny human.. it should be tired lol!).. overall, i feel awesome.. there are some other small symptoms but like i said.. it doesn't really disrupt my life or my baby's at this point.. so no big deal to me

the doctor is going to keep me on my current dosage (75mcg) for now.. gave me a three week supply (samples) of the higher dosage (88mcg) just incase my symptoms get worse while in germany.. he also gave me an extra month on my current dosage in samples so i wouldn't' have to shell out the $40 for an extra month of synthroid (my insurance will only pay for one month at a time..and i need TWO months worth to not run out while in germany).. that way if i do need the higher dosage i wont' be on it for six weeks and there won't be a real risk to pre term labor (that term seriously freaks me out).. i will be tested the day after i get back from germany.. he kept stressing on it.. he overheard the receptionist telling me the doctor didn't have anything available until november.. doctor walked right over and said, "she's pregnant.. i have to see her the day she gets back.." turned to me and said, "if you ever have any issues or concerns and the receptionist tells you they can't get you in.. you tell them you are pregnant and corima [his nurse] told you to come in.. thyroid cancer and pregnant patients are my main priority and i always get them in asap".

is he not a great doctor or what?!!!!!? i am one lucky gal i tell ya!

i finally ordered my flash.. david fainted for a few mins from price shock.. i almost got scammed though.. i found it for way ($70 less) cheaper at this one place.. thank goodness i had a gut feeling something wasn't right and researched the company before giving them my credit card info.. never shop at fotoconnection.com.. read why here..  i couldn't shake the feeling of, "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is".. i am SOOOO SOOOO SOOOOO SOO glad i did my research first! the flash is supposed to be here wednesday.. i will post a new belly picture then.. it will give me a great way to play/practice with my new awesome flash lol.. this will be a "real" belly picture since i have finally "popped".. i have a baby buddha belly now.. i love it though.. i have never felt so fit and healthy.. :o)

finally!

david was finally able to feel his first kick today.. ashton was moving around a ton early this evening. gave a huge kick/punch for david to feel.. then an hour later i felt him again and this time i could see my stomach moving around.. it was a little weird but neat at the same time! lol.. he sure does move a lot.. 

i know how to sew pretty well.. i love sewing.. i started when i was a teenager and haven't stopped since... so of course i am going to sew for my baby boy..

i am not a fan of all the boy outfits on the market these days.. i really love janieandjack.com stuff because it follows a simple classic design.. or even jacadi.com.. but they can be money unless it's on sale. and i have already cleaned out their sale racks lol. (i need to take a picture for tanna :o)). david and i BOTH LOVE overall style stuff on boys.. bubbles (not the acutally blow bubbles.. bubbles as in baby clothing.. it means the outfit has a lot of fabric in the butt end and makes it bubble out and looks oh so cute on babies/toddlers).. i am also not a fan of character clothing.. not that there is anything wrong with having them.. i am sure we will have some outfits that have characters on them but for the most part i am skipping the character stuff and sticking to simple classic designs with simple classic fabric.. no characters.. and this can be reallllly hard to find right now pre-made.. when you do find it.. it's serious $$$.. stuff that never goes on sale.. so yeah.. i don't feel comfortable spending $50 or more on a classic outfit when i could easily make them myself.. i have started searching for vintage sewing patterns for boys.. and i purcahsed my first pattern that i plan on making lots of lol..

the pattern is from the 1940's.. i am skipping the bear characters on the outfits.. mainly because the pattern no longer has the transfer i need to accomplish it.. but it doesn't matter.. i can't wait to start making these.. if they turn out well.. (aka.. if i can sew them to make it look like i know what i am doing) i might even start selling them on etsy.com.. the lady who i bought this pattern from sold classic pre-made designs of the one above.. but has since stopped making them (looks like she is just selling lots of fabric).. i bookmarked her a long time ago before i was even pregnant and when we found out it was a boy i headed right over to etsy.com to find cute classic boy clothing.. only to find out she no longer makes them :o(.. here is one she made a long time ago.. it was a different pattern but it's the same concept.. i can't wait to make something like this and have my little boy wear it.. he will be so darn cute in it!

 

she actually made hers reversible.. i am going to try and do this.. it's a great idea.. 

long overalls are pretty easy to find nowadays at a resonable price.. but i think i might also try to find a pattern for a vintage style overalls to sew.. i also plan on making and selling (as soon as i get a pattern down) for classic smock style bibs.. i found them on my favorite photographers photostream of her daughter and fell in love with the bib.. ONLY AGAIN to find out that the designer quit making them.. grr.. so i am going to design and sew my own.. i can't post a picture of it on my blog, but you can see what i am talking about by clicking here.. 

not sure what else i plan on sewing.. i still need to sew a bassinet cover for our bugaboo stroller.. and our future playpen will need to have a custom made cover as well.. good thing i know how to sew.. lol.. 

even though i had a gut feeling it was a boy, i still can't believe it's a boy! i am going to have a son, is that not a crazy thought?! i find myself staring at our ultrasound pictures over and over and over. i want to grab him and just sqeeeeeze and eat him.. it's amazing how much personality he already has.. it seems so much more real now than before.. to see him move and suck on his hands.. ::stares at ultrasound pictures again:: i love him sooooo much and i haven't even met him.. and he's all ours! i have been so excited that i haven't even purchased my external flash yet!

i hope he is just as cute as david.. david was a super cute little boy.. someday i will post pictures of little david.. it's going to be so sweet having a little mini-me david running around.. i could see it in davids face yesterday on teh way home he is more than thrilled to have a little boy! he is already a proud dad! someone to play ball with.. take to baseball games.. ride roller coasters.. i can't wait to take our son to gymnastics.. little boy birthday parties.. ::sigh::

i am also hoping our little boy has curly hair.. curly hair on little boys is so adorable!!!!! david and i both agree we think our son is going to have brown hair.. everyone keeps mentioning how our son could end up with red hair.. not likely.. for one, red hair is extremely rare.. two.. both parents.. the father and mother have to carry the red hair gene.. on david's side no one has ever had red hair.. so the chances are extremely slim... i can't wait to meet ashton.. four months away! i have a feeling the next four months are going to go by fast since it's the holiday season.. first i will be in germany and that always GOES WAY TOO FAST.. halloween flies by.. state fair flies by.. thanksgiving flies by as does christmas.. so yeah.. it's going to be a fast four months LOL! i can't wait! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE BOY!!!! OMG!!!

hehehe.. now when we go to disneyworld i can get ashton mickey mouse ears with his name on it.. i have always wanted to do that for my kids.. so i absolutely can NOT WAIT until he is in my arms.. i want to stop daydreaming about having him and have him already lol!

it's a BOY!

david and i are elated.. we caught him sucking his hand (we have a picture!).. it was so freaking cute.. i had a smoothie before going in to wake the baby up.. as soon as she got the baby on the screen she said "this baby is an active one".. lol.. everything is perfect.. all organs developed like they should and right now he is measuring in the 52% percentile and said we should have a 7lb and (some ounces) baby.. has both his kidneys.. heart is perfect.. cord is perfect, everything is just perfect.. i was so relieved when the tech kept telling me how wonderful everything looked.. i have been worried sick that something could be wrong.. had a really hard time sleeping last night.. i feel great now though.. i was also officially cleared to go to germany! we are so excited.. david and i already have a boy name picked out.. we have had it for two years now lol.. and so far we still want to use it.. so we are pretty sure the baby's name is going to be ashton sean.. it's so nice finally knowing he's a boy.. now i don't feel so bad i bought all those boy baby clothes on sale at janie and jack lmao.. 

now to the ultrasound pictures.. don't have a scanner so i had to take pictures with the camera..

sucking his fingers.. it was so funny watching his mouth move lol.. 

he's looking at you.. lol.. eye sockets, nose, and mouth.. i think he has my chin from looking at this picture.. 

cutest foot ever.. i can't believe we can see all his little toes!

not a shy boy!

someone please make the next four hours go by quickly. pleeaasseee! i got no sleep last night.. maybe an hour or two.. with a buttload of nonbabyrelated nightmares.. one of my cats ended up puking and waking me up and then i just couldn't go back to sleep because i was so anxious.. ugh.. this day is seriously the slowest.day.ever.

i need to see my endocrinologist today to get some bloodwork done for my appointment on monday.. it's right across the street from my OBGYN and i am trying to fit it all in one day.. i have to be there before noon since that's when they go to lunch.. and my OBGYN/sono appt is at 2pm.. david has all day off today.. so we might eat some lunch before our sonogram.. i swear this day is so slooooowwwww lol.. and worst yet i bet you a million bucks this baby is going to be a surprise baby.. i just have this feeling that he/she is going to hide until birth.. that or my doctor will want to reschedule because she has to deliver someone else's baby lol.. my doctor has her own ultrasound machine.. i have a gut feeling something is going to go wrong lol.. 

well i am off.. HERES TO A HAPPY HEALTHY BABY and hopefully the sex.. 

this time tomorrow we will hopefully know what the sex of our baby is going to be! so exciting!!!! he has been moving and kicking so much today.. his kicks are getting stronger! so much so that i think david could even feel it.. too bad david is never around or near me when the baby kicks.. lol.. i joke to david that he will probably get his first kick on the plane to germany.. since it's 10hours of sitting there he will have plenty of time and chance to catch one! lol.. 

david is letting me get the external flash.. he can't say no to his pregnant wife.. lol.. love this man.. not because he buys me stuff but because he is just so caring and wants the best for me no matter what it happens to be.. and because of this.. i hope we are having a boy.. otherwise we will have a very spoiled daddy's girl.. secretly though, i am hoping it's a girl but have a gut feeling it's a boy.. david is rooting for a boy first lol.. hopefully butterball will let us know.. all i know if it's a girl.. david is going to have to get a second job lol :o)

i am so excited about getting this external flash.. bouncing and fill flash here i cooooomme! it's going to be awesome.. so many toys i want to get for this camera.. lol.. one at a time right? RIGHT?! i need to start saving for my lenses!!!! i don't think i will be getting one any time soon but you never know.. i could win the lottery.. if i don't have at least one of them by the time the baby is here, i am renting for a few weeks every month lol.. the kit lens is such a crappy lens.. it really is.. i know i should be appreciative that i at least have a DSLR. even if i have to use the kit lens for now.. getting the flash will make it a little bit better! my camera has a built in flash but any photographer will tell you how suckaroo they are.. it only enables you to use direct flash and that (imo) makes pictures ugly.. 

that means i won't be able to get my much needed tripod.. doesn't matter.. i feel this flash is one of the more important tools i need at this point.. i might get a gorilla pod that fits a DSLR.. just so the camera isn't always sitting on the ground and i can aim the camera at different angles.. something i wouldn't be able to do with just using the ground or whatever item i use. plus david wasn't really looking forward to carrying a huge tripod all over the place in europe lol.. i will show what this flash is capable of when i finally get it! lol.. it's awesome.. i have never even used one and know how awesome it is.. it really is a needed tool.. i'm not just saying that.. seriously. :o)

dear amazing wonderful awesome husband and future daddy, 

the baby wants you to buy me this.. 

much love..

your wife and future child who NEEDSwants this.. xoxox :o)

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

was this subtle enough? lol.. david has a hard time saying no when i say the baby wants it.. ::crosses fingers:: :o). "what baby wants.. baby gets".. davids own words.. so.. are you (david) going to say no to your "baby" who NEEDS this flash? i know you aren't.. why fight the urge.. the "baby" is going to ask you everyday until you give in.. ::flashes a sweet innocent grin towards david::

we bought a carseat for butterball a week ago! chicco keyfit30 in cubes.. we love it and hope butterball does too..

i also got my prints from mpix.com a week ago.. they came out way better than i anticipated.. the largest print is 8x12 and it's just as clear as the picture on my computer.. i can't wait to use them more for when our butterball gets here!

first two are edited with my action sets and the far right is the original sooc image

don't you dare tell me this cat isn't cute enough to eat.. because she is and you know it!

one week until our big ultrasound.. i can't stop thinking about it.. it's so exciting that we are going to see the baby! last time we saw him/her it was just a blob on the screen with a beating heart.. this time it's going to look like a BABY!

i feel him allllll the time.. he reallllly loves to move around.. i notice it's usually after i eat meals.. and each day he gets stronger and more vigorous.. i can feel the kicks from the outside.. david is still trying to feel his first kick.. lol.. i think it's easier for me since i can feel them on the inside so i know where to look for them on the outside.. plus the kicks on the outside are still light taps..

all those years envying pregnant girls buying stuff for the little ones.. or planning stuff for them haven't worn off yet.. i still find myself envying pregnant women.. as if i wasn't pregnant myself or something.. then i think "OH YEAH!!! i am pregnant too..", and i am happy all over again like the first day i saw that little pink line show up... now that the baby moves around more i get the same feeling.. i bet in the next few weeks it will feel more "real" to me.. if not in a week then perhaps when we get to see a baby on the ultrasound..

i still have a feeling it's a boy.. which is why i refer to my baby as a him all the time.. and the more i think about it, the more i hope it's a boy.. david got this book called "in the womb" from the library.. it's really interesting.. it says EVERYTHING about my child has already been decided from the first second it was conceived.. the hair color.. the sex.. the eyes.. the temperament of the child.. whether or not my child will get my man hands or monkey feet.. or david's smile.. everything has already been decided! i can't wait to meet him/her..

of course i still have worries.. i had a quad and cystic fibrosis test done at 16weeks.. they aren't mandatory and totally up to the parents if you want them or not.. most don't get them since insurance doesn't cover it.. but we figured we might as well.. (i got our insurance statement yesterday letting us know they did cover those tests.. thankgoodness lol).. i figured if something had shown up wrong they would have called me already.. the nurse told me in the beginning if there is nothing to talk about they will just go over the results of any of my tests at my next appointment.. so i am taking that as a good sign.. but still.. i wish they would just call me either way and let me know.. i reallllly hope the baby lets us see if it's a him or her..

i have defiantly gained weight this month.. my doctor will be proud.. but i feel fat.. i don't have any sign of a pregnant belly.. i just look.. fat.. of course from the side when i am naked you can tell i am pregnant.. but with clothes on and/or from the front.. i just look like a fat tub of lard.. david and i went to gap maternity in dallas last weekend so i could try out some of their maternity clothes.. i am glad i did because i figured a lot of their stuff would look good and/or fit me.. um no.. size 8 pants were WAY TOO LARGE in the butt and thighs.. size 6 fit well but the style of the maternity jeans just looked fug on me.. i almost cried in the dressing room i hated the way i looked so much.. i think i am going to get a bellaband and hope for the best while in germany.. i refuse to spend $65 on a pair of jeans i feel ugly in.. i saved my size 10 lucky brand jeans when i lost all of that weight.. i was going to sell them on ebay but figured i might as well wait until i get pregnant to make sure i won't be able to use them after the birth or something.. i hear mixed reviews on the bellaband.. some girls say they hate it, some say they love it.. those who say they hate it looooovvee maternity jeans.. so maybe i will fall into the LOVE IT group since i hated the maternity jeans lol.. i am hoping i LOVE something soon otherwise, i will be screwed... my pre-pregnancy pants still fit right now.. well for the most part they do.. they are perfect when i am standing up.. but as soon as i sit down i have to unbutton and partially unzip them to feel comfortable.. even in the car! in three weeks i am sure that is BOUND to change..

and my favorite photographer who i had purchased that action set came out with another set for adobe photoshop lightroom.. so now i want lightroom! lmao.. $300 blah.. photoshopCS2 was like $600 a few years ago when i got it (now HALF that price!).. if you ever want to invest in stock or something.. ADOBE would be a good company to go with.. they have the most expensive software i have ever seen.. anyway, i qualified for her free extras action set that is going to cost others $50.. she is still working on getting it out.. but i am hoping she has a lot of the same lightroom presets in the extras set.. even if i wanted lightroom.. it's not like i can afford it right now.. too much we need is more important.. and i am beyond blessed to have photoshopCS2 as it is.. i still want to upgrade that to photoshopCS3 someday.. probably never though (an extra $200 just for the upgrade).. at least i won't have to pay full price for CS3 if i ever do decide to upgrade.. lol..

MONEY MONEY MONEY.. blah blah blah.. i often tell david he is lucky because i am not "high maintenance".. you know.. the wife who has have pedicures/manicures.. (i have only had ONE pedi in my entire life).. dye my hair.. upkeep on the trendiest of clothes.. a few purses that are a couple hundred of dollars each.. a bunch of shoes.. (i am a flipflop/tennis shoe girl).. the nice expensive car.. things like that.. and he always says "uh.. yeah.. sure..".. HAHAHA now i know what he means.. instead.. i am buying software that costs more than that stuff put together.. plus i own an expensive camera and want to buy lenses that cost more than the camera itself! all-clad pans.. all kinds of top kitchen crap.. i am just a different type of "high maintenance".. granted my stuff will last a whole lot longer and will benefit my entire family than just myself compared to all the other materialistic crap there is in this world.. i only invest in my hobbies.. baking/cooking and photography.. lmao.. i have to justify myself somehow..

and mom don't you dare say anything.. spending stuff on my camera/cooking/baking is the same thing as mountain bikes/camping gear/all that other outdoorsy stuff you get.. :o) just be happy it isn't on things that will only be in style for two years tops.. mmmkay?!

david reads my blog.. (hi honey!).. i don't mind, but i do write whatever i want here. sometimes i know when i am writing something , before david even has a chance to read what i wrote, i know he will be rolling his eyes and/or shaking his head..

for instance.. my latest post about my fear of flying.. i knew while typing it that david would shake his head.. i look over at him last night and there he is reading it.. shaking his head.. i chuckle and ask, "are you reading my fear of flying post?".. he slowly turns around.. takes a deep breath and says,"this happens every year".

me: "what happens every year?"
david: "you freak out before we fly"
me: "but we fly more than once a year"
david: "yeah well, i meant every time we fly.. it happens"
me: "i can't help it"
david: "those websites" ::shakes head::
me: "those websites HELP me.. they aren't as bad as you think"
david: "you shouldn't be looking at those plane crashes.. it's just going to freak you out more"

NOW, i bet david is sitting there.. reading this.. shaking his head and thinking "omg.. this is going to be a long flight"..

LOL!

fear of flying..

i am terrified of flying in planes.. i have been on more planes than 90% of people i know.. ever since i was a little baby my mother would take me over to germany (almost every single summer for months at a time) and even now i still manage to fly there.. plus i fly at least once a year over to colorado and at least one other place for vacation.. so you would think flying is no issue for me.. but ever since 9/11 i have been terrified of flying.. not because i think terrorist are going to hijack the plane or anything.. i think it has more to do with my active imagination and putting myself in those people, who died on the plane(s), shoes.. the fear they must have felt.. knowing they were going to die.. it's scares me.. i more terrified of my plane actually going down and crashing over the ocean, than i am on domestic flights..

i know i am not the only one who feels this way.. but it's something i deal with almost every single time right before i fly anywhere.. usually starts a month before my flight.. i start hearing more and more about planes crashing on the news.. i start having nightmares in my dreams that my plane is crashing.. just this month, i have had about 6 dreams so far where my plane is or has crashed.. i survive or wake up before we actually crash.. but the feeling i feel afterwards is enough to make you have anxiety and feel icky most of the day!

so, i sit here on my computer visiting all sorts of statistics on flight safety.. flying is MUCH safer than any other form of travel and it's REALLY rare that a commercial plane actually crashes.. 3million people fly EVERYDAY! and less than 1,000 people die every year in plane crashes.. so that's pretty good odds.. and it usually does make me feel calm reading those sites.. david thinks it makes it worse.. "honey why are you reading that.. stop it!", but to be honest.. reading websites written by pilots and reading about why a plane crashed makes me feel more at ease.. most of the crashes could have been avoided.. and almost 95% are small private planes (non commercial).. and the ones that are commercial are non american and have a history of bad maintenance or lack of experience in flying and handling a plane.. american commercial companies are one of the safest in the world..

i suppose my fear of flying isn't as bad as others.. like those who absolutely refuse to get on a plane. i still board the plane.. most of the time with excitement.. i never need medication to relax and i don't need counseling... so i have that working for me lol.. it's mainly just the month right before i fly that is the worst..

i also believe this time is different.. i feel like i would be more emotional if i died in a crash.. i would never get to meet butterball.. or experience being a mother.. etc.. (which is something i have been dreaming more and more of now that i am pregnant).. most of the time.. you have time to think about your life before you die in a plane crash.. i know i wouldn't be thinking, "i had a great life.. and i am ready to die" (even though it's the truth), it would be more like "the one thing i regret is not meeting you butterball".. and that thought terrifies me! i am telling myself right now, "anne marie.. if you had butterball in your arms now, you would be thinking 'i regret not watching my child grow up and experience life etc'".. it will ALWAYS be something..

hahahaha, now that i think about it.. two weeks before i got married.. (i was married in destin, florida) i went to NYC to meet up with my family from germany who flew in for my wedding.. we hung out in NYC for a week then flew down to florida for a week.. and back then i was thinking to myself, "omg.. i just know this plane is going to crash and i will never get to experience what a wedding is like".. lmao! just shows you there will always be something i will regret.. i just need to realize.. if it happens it happens.. i believe in God's plan.. i just hope God knows that i enjoy my life here on earth more than anything and want to stay here longer lol.. easier said than done perhaps.. and it's really not in my control.. ::sigh::

i really had to get that off my chest lol.. i felt if i didn't write about it.. i would be jinxing myself or something..

another fear i usually have right before i go anywhere longer than week.. is my cat velveeta.. she is getting really old (almost 20years old!) and my baby! i don't want her dying alone.. so i always have that thought in the back of my head.. if she does die.. alone.. i will just have to remind myself that at least i had 20years with her.. most people don't even get that.. i wish i could take velveeta everywhere with me..
.

happy monday everyone!

i hope everyone's weekend was awesome.. i have some more pictures to share from the weekend..

click the picture for the story to this picture

we also went over to david's grandparents house so david could practice on the piano.. he is getting really good at playing it.. he sounds just like a professional!

my "creative" shot lmao!

and most importantly.. the most craved item during my pregnancy is this.. just seeing it now makes me want to rush over to sonic right now and get another one..

whew.. another fun filled weekend.. i love spending my weekends with david.. we always have so much fun together.. i have had a lot energy this last week.. it's amazing.. i really love my new sleeping routine.. i feel like i am thriving from it.. i am also slowly becoming a morning person! lol.. last night david and i joked how we are becoming parents already.. we were ready to go to bed at 10pm last night lol..

yesterday the baby moved for a good 30mins.. a few of his kicks were hard enough to be felt from the outside.. of course it would be a light tap and not an obvious kick.. but still hard enough to be felt.. it was after we had some tex-mex (i am finally able to tolerate mexican food!).. i bet he loved it.. lol.. david can't wait to be able to feel the kicks.. he fell asleep with his hand on my belly in hopes he could catch the baby moving last night.. no luck.. i haven't had breakfast yet but i bet i will feel him again once i eat something.. pancakes sound sooooo good.. eggs, hash browns, bacon.. omg i am starving!

david is taking me to ikea today (swedish meatballs.. yummmmmmmmm).. then we are off to see his grandparents so david can practice playing on the grand piano.. i need to take pictures of him at the piano.. i took some yesterday of some of the things we did.. i still have more in my camera that need to be uploaded.. like the fishing pictures lol.. david and i went fishing yesterday evening and caught the two TINIEST fish ever! lol.. it was a blast.. we had so many laughs together.. at one point i was laughing so hard i had tears coming down my cheeks.. who knew fishing was so damn hilarious! but then again david always has me grabbing my sides..

more to come...

pumpkins idea of helping you with the laundry..

a very typical lazy cat..

i have a POLL up!!! yay!

anyone can vote.. you don't have to have a blogger account etc.

boy or girl.. what do you think it will be? only two weeks away! poll closes two hours before we go in for our ultrasound!

vote!

did you know that david has more clothes than me? maybe it's the fact he's been the same size since i have known him and takes really good care of what he has.. but i can't help but resent him sometimes when i am doing laundry lol.. just kidding.. i don't actually resent him.. but the boy does have a lot of laundry.. even though he reuses his clothes a few times before tossing them in the laundry (it took years to train him to reuse his clothes that weren't "dirty"). it's funny really.. he will often say, "i need to go through my closet and get rid of clothes i don't wear anymore.".. i am supportive of him wanting to get rid of stuff.. it isn't good to hoard stuff you no longer need or want.. i will follow him into the closet with an empty bag and he will sit there for a good 5mins or so and pull one shirt out, stuffs it in the empty bag and looks at me and says, "i think that's it". :::blank stare::: i will admit he has a ton of nice stuff.. stuff that is still in style.. stuff that still fits.. so why would he need to throw out something? maybe it's because he doesn't realize how much nice stuff he has and once he realizes it he doesn't want to let it go lol.. ::shrugs::

he probably doesn't want me talking about this either.. but i will anyway.. muahahahahaha.. he has a really weird (yet quirky) thing about underwear.. dude i am telling you.. he has enough to last him TWO MONTHS!! TWO MONTHS.. and he alwayssss wants more.. his favorite is gap.. in fact.. if i were to go into his drawer now and pull out all the gap underwear it would be 95% gap.. i can hardly shut the damn drawer nowadays he has so many pairs of underwear.. he came up to me yesterday in a pair of boxers that he has had a while and said, "i think its time i retire these.". i take one look and notice the elastic is completely shot on them and they are hardly staying up.. "um yeah" i replied.. david looked at me with that sweet, yet sad face, and walked away pulling them up.. (btw, i am doing laundry right now.. which is why i am talking about clothes..) i bet you a million bucks instead of throwing away those boxers, he stuck them in the hamper this morning to be washed (he knew i planned on doing laundry today). if i find them when i am folding clothes they are going byebye.. :o) update: yup.. i washed them.. they are now in the trash.. lol..

i won't say anything about our "updated" laundry room.. even though i am itching to rant about it.. i will say i am only able to use ONE washer out of five right now (and not because people are using them).. i will just leave it at that.

also, i re-did my favorite links section on my blog.. i have been meaning to update it for months now... if you are ever bored or wanting something new to look at.. make sure you check out the links.. :o)

more editing practice..

top: sooc; bottom: edited

one month exactly until i leave for germany! w00t! can't wait.. i am starving over here.. and pretty much everything i have been craving is european related.. figures!

i had my very first dream that i was having a girl last night.. i have had many dreams of me having a boy.. in the dream, i was getting our big ultrasound done and the tech looked at me and said, "it's a girl.. i am sure of it by 90%". i remember looking at david and david looking back at me in complete shock! lol. it could happen.. at this point it's 50-50.. david and i are still positive we are having a boy.. now, if my ultrasound tech turns to me and says "it's a girl.. 90% sure", that would be creepy! i have had deja-vu type dreams before as most people have.. i am just archiving it here just in case.. don't want david to think his wife has gone completely nuts.

guess what.. it's much cooler today.. that's right.. i can't bitch about it! i am sure my two blogger readers will be delighted and relieved not to see another post about me bitching about the damn weather! and guess what part two!? all my bitching must have worked.. the tropical storm headed RIGHT towards us.. at the very last minute it changed paths.. i don't know if we got any rain from it.. i know southeast dallas got some.. it was late in the evening, or early in the morning, whichever you prefer, when it finally made it up here.. either way.. today is so much cooler.. and i am ever so thankful.. in fact, the weather is so perfect, i might just go to the botanical gardens or even the zoo.. omg there is so much to do and here i am typing in my blog that no one ,but my bestfriend tanna, reads lmao.. adios amigos!

i finally have a new belly picture.

18 week belly

this pregnancy seems to be TAKING forever. haha. the belly is getting bigger, though it isn't huge yet.. i now know why my clothes still fit.. for one it seems my belly is starting to grow from the middle.. and my hips/butt are staying the same size (thank goodness). i can't believe in two weeks we will probably know the sex of the baby! eek!

i also got my editing action set friday.. i have been playing here and there with it.. editing pictures takes up a lot of your time when you have no idea what you are doing. but i know with practice i will get better/faster with it. even then.. i am really loving the sesame ellis action sets.. REALLY loving it.. i know once i figure out how to do it correctly i will be even more in love with it.. it was worth the money and is going to come in handy when i have kids..

here is my 18week belly edit i did this morning with my action set.. SOOC stands for straight out of camera.. in other words it hasn't been edited yet.. the other two have obviously been edited using some of the sesame ellis action sets..

i also ordered first prints from our digital camera.. david and i have never had anything printed before.. we have owned a digital camera since 2003.. i mean it when i say not once did we ever go to walmart or any other place to have any of our digital pictures printed.. i mainly use my images for the internet etc.. no need to really print anything out.. but now that we are pregnant (yipee) and we now own a DSLR, it seems unnatural for me to not ever get anything printed.. so i found a professional photography printing studio.. no offense to those who use walgreens, walmart, cvs etc. to develop your pictures.. those places are great for point and shoot style cameras.. but not for DSLRs.. i found a picture that i took of velveeta last spring.. edited it using my sesame ellis action set and then ordered several sizes ranging from normal album size to 8x13.. pretty large.. i know.. but i wanted to see how clear the image would come out.. i could have gone larger.. and i probably will when our baby gets here.. but they are more expensive the bigger they get and since i am only testing it right now there was no need to spend too much money on one picture! i ordered from www.mpix.com. it's going to take a few days for my prints to get here and i am anxious to know how the images turned out on paper.. btw.. here is the picture i picked for my test.. it's not the BEST picture i have ever taken of velveeta.. i was in a hurry to find one that was SOOC (straight out of camera.. no editing done to it).

left: SOOC; right:edited with one of the sesame ellis action set

i guess i should also include my 11week, 14week, and 18week belly side by side eh? see the progress butterball has made..

11week ::: 14 week ::: 18week

hahaha.. looking at my progress now doesn't seem any different than how i looked when i was 11weeks pregnant.. wtf?! i bet in a month i will pop.. i will enjoy being "small" for now..

i haven't had any type of naps this last week.. i didn't think i would be able to stay awake but i found i could.. lol.

we had a pretty eventful weekend.. nothing to write home about.. but eventful.. hotter than hell of course.. my best friend lives in wichita falls.. about 2hours away and their high yesterday was 109f! they (weather forecasters) are claiming this year as one of the hottest driest summers. no really?! ::rolls eyes:: weather forecasters are starting to bug me! they always try to make themselves sound smart or that, "chance of rain this week? i think you might be surprised.. stay tuned" crap is worth waiting for.... i sit there anxiously through the crappy commercials only to find out it's like less than a 10% chance.. ugh.

apparently, there is another tropical storm headed towards the texas coast (houston/galveston).. people are freaking out already.. too bad none of that nice cold rain will be headed our way.. the stupid "high system", that has been hovering over the state of texas this whole entire summer, can kiss my ass! oh but wait.. last night the stupid forecaster said, "we will see a slight weakening in the high system".. oh.. a slight weakening huh? that means not 107f but 99f.. i want the damn thing to move over some other part of the united states. ironically the tropical storm is what weakens the high system.. hot is hot to me.. maybe if i pray hard enough God will let the tropical/hurricane storm path change towards the DFW area.. instead of west texas.. ?! lol. ah.. oh well..

it was 100f at 10pm last night.. NIGHT!!! b.l.a.h.

our baby lovesssss to move around and kick! yesterday throughout the day i could feel his kicks.. they are still reallllllly light. and feel like light thumps/taps. but i can defiantly feel them.. i have been going to bed super early the last few days.. i am trying to find the best sleeping routine for me.. going to bed late.. and waking up late didn't seem to work too well for me.. i also ended up taking naps during the day and it was screwing up everything.. so.. i head to bed and usually asleep by 10:30pm.. wake up around 6:30am.. i force myself to stay awake during the day now.. no NAPS.. i realized i was so tired in the day because i wasn't doing anything active.. i have been getting out in the heat the last few days to test if i was actually sleepy and needed the rest etc.. to my surprise i never felt tired enough to need a nap..

anyhoo. i woke up around 5:30am.. david turned off the A/C last night because we got our bill for the month of july yesterday ($145) lol! yeah, it's a lot but our avg daily temp was 99f.. so what am i supposed to do? huh? i was sweating like a pig and dying of thirst.. so i got up.. well, first i jabbed david.. cuz you know.. he deserved it! don't worry he didn't even flinch.. bastard :oP lol. then i got up to turn the A/C back on, grabbed a few cups of water and headed back to bed.. where i have been unsuccessful getting back to sleep.. buttttt.. my baby was kicking away.. thump tap thump.. i just love it!

we receive regular chiropractic care.. we go in for adjustments and therapy.. during therapy they lay you down on this bed looking thing that has rollers in them.. they go up and down your spine.. from neck to tail bone.. it's really relaxing.. apparently, it strengthens and sends blood to your spine.. well, every time it rolled over my tail bone my baby was forced up into my pelvic area.. i guess sort of squishing the little guy.. he did NOT like it (or maybe he did.. but i am assuming he didn't) lol.. i could feel him ROLLING not kicking.. but ROLLING!!! trying to get comfortable.. it was a super strange sensation.. after the rollers were done with the tail bone area i could feel a few thumps (i am guessing kicks) and he stopped... of course, until the rollers came back to the tail bone area.. it started all over again.. david and i were laughing.. david said "the baby's probably like.. what the hell is going on out there?".

not my picture.. stock picture from the net.. this is what the roller therapy beds look like.. rollers are underneath the the top layer..

i finally have photoshop CS2 on my laptop.. i don't know what took me so long.. yes.. CS2.. i am too cheap to get CS3.. even though i badly want it.. there are some action sets i want to use and you have to have photoshop.. i can't wait to get it.. the lady who developed them just had twins so i am patiently waiting for her to send (email) me my actions.. she is also one of my favorite flickr photographers. sesame ellis

i will let you know how they work when i get it.. hopefully i will be able to figure out how i am supposed to download them into photoshop.. i have never used actions so i am pretty clueless in that department.. i do think it's going to make editing my pictures even easier once i get it all figured out! i noticed in her seaseme ellis action set flickr group that she said the first 150people to buy her action set will receive her next set for free when she gets it completed.. (a $50 value).. i was going to wait to order the sets.. when you know.. i have money to blow on things i don't really NEED but want.. but i didn't want to miss out on that deal (the orig set is $75).. it will suck if i was over 150.. oh well.. i will find out soon enough.. now to think of it.. it would suck even more if i am unable to figure out how to download it into photoshop LMAO.. since it isn't refundable.. ha.

either way.. i am sure it will work out.. she has newborn twins.. an adorable little daughter and one of the best photographers i have ever seen.. i am happy and proud to support to her! (aka.. give her money).. she deserves every penny!