a not so 'HAPPY HALLOWEEN' :o(

a sad pumpkin for a sad girl

i am feeling a tad bit better today.. only by a tad.. david is feeling ill and is moooody tonight (understandable, considering i know how crappy one can feel when they are sick. but it wasn't something i was excited to deal with either). we decided to vote early tonight to skip the headache on tuesday.. i am glad we did since it only took us 5mins. afterward, david insisted on getting pumpkins to carve. he hallowed out his pumpkin and went straight to bed.. without even saying anything to me.. i was sitting there for a good hour waiting for him to bring his pumpkin over to the carving area and carve our pumpkins together like we do every year.. when i realized he wasn't even in the kitchen anymore. so, i carved my pumpkin alone with a huge box of tissues. then i cleaned up my mess.. took a few pictures of my pumpkin.. blew out the candle and decided to write this blog. yay for halloween!  

i hope ashton's first halloween isn't as cruddy as this years. 

we have a big weekend planned.. tomorrow is our labor/delivery tour at the hospital and sunday is our first birthing class.. with david feeling sick and me being a big emotional depressed mess, i can tell you right now it isn't going to be a fun weekend. :o( hope everyone else had a happy healthy safe halloween!

not a good week in our happy household.. 

first, i get sick with a sinus infection.. i get a little better and now i am worse than i have been yet this year.. i am almost positive i have hay fever! i feel like poo.. i reallly reallllllly do. my eyes itch.. my throat is starting to swell/itch.. i can't stop sneezing, my nose is raw (and burning inside).. my tooth is still tender.. i am extremely dehydrated right now.. stuffy heavy head.. nose won't stop running.. i haven't been able to get any good sleep in three days.. i am exhausted.. 

david is also getting sick. but he thinks his is an actual cold (just great if it is.. i mostly will be catching it next then!).. he almost called into work sick today. he has never called in sick before. even when he was sick. if he didn't want to save up his vacation for ashton's arrival he would have.. he also dropped our toothbrush on his toe this morning and it's all black, bloody, and bruised (sonic care is a heavy tooth brush).. then he hit his head on the TV while gathering up his work computer. not his day is it lol?! last two days he has had to deal with me freaking out about stuff.. it's been a tough week for him. :o(

ugh i am so tired of being sick.. i have crap to do.. instead of getting things done, i have infested our couch.. you should see it.. thick layer of used tissues everywhere (when you are sleeping you don't think about putting it in the trash). and poor ashton.. all this benadryl makes him sleepy.. he hardly moves around when i take it. but mama needs relief! i just had like two huge glasses of water to help with my dehydration and now i am nauseated.. blah.. i am craving dairy like crazy but want to avoid it in hopes it will help clear out that mucus.. i swear i feel like all i do is whine about being sick lately.. i can NOT wait until david and i feel better.. 

the only plus side is that at least my house is somewhat clean and i have been able to catch up on "Bewitched" [tv show]. 

whew.. another busy weekend already ahead of us.. david signed us up for two classes this evening (child birth and breast feeding). Saturday we get to tour the hospital and labor/delivery and Sunday is our first birthing class (it's a three weekend class).. our breast feeding class isn't until Nov. 19th. we still want to take an infant CPR class but decided we will wait until December or so to take it. 

today has been a stressful day for me..my apartment complex had me completely freaking out.. i won't get into all the boring details (i am exhausted just thinking about it).. but let's just say i called david up fr-ea-k-ing out. i was in tears..it's a good thing david is the most wonderful husband in the world and made everything sunshine and rainbows again.. 

still have sinus issues.. :o( i can at least eat normal food.. so that's a plus.

 

of course i am feeling better.. company is gone right? ugh. typical. yesterday i decided to forgo any pain/sinus meds. i have been taking them for four days straight and figured i should probably lay off them (the best i can) for a while. i was shocked to realize i went the entire day without any meds. then i fell asleep without taking any pain meds (something i was going/wanting to do). i woke up a few times for a few mins here and there last night with slight jaw/tooth pain.. but it was defiantly tolerable and moving my head to the other side helped ease the discomfort.. it's been over 24hours that i have had any pain meds.. my tooth is still sore when i eat normal food but if i eat slow and careful enough i am able to do it. 

emily at the botanical gardens.

will share more later when i have more time to process.

i am sad that my best friend and emily are gone. i feel like there was so much more i could have done with them. i was able to take pictures yesterday but after reviewing them this morning i am extremely disappointed in myself.. very few came out creative imo.. very few came out great at all.. i blame the fact we were short on time and weren't able to get to the spots i had envisioned (bff and i know why we were so rushed lol). plus my big belly made it impossible for me to get on my knees or move easily to get up close adn personal with emily. ::sigh::.. oh well. don't worry tanna i will still send you a cd.. david thinks i have at least 10good "creative" pictures.. i dunno.. i feel like tops i have is five..  it's obvious i haven't picked up my camera in awhile.. i left my ISO at 800 for most of the pictures and they came out grainy with a lot of noise.. i couldn't figure out what i did wrong.. after looking at my meta's i realized what i did.. shame. i just couldn't get it all together like i should have.. maybe my sinus infection contributed to lack of brain reasoning lmao.. or maybe i just suck as a photographer.. :o( who knows.. what i do know is that i need that 50mm prime lens.. i wouldn't have had to set my ISO to 800 if i had a better lens.. i also shot in RAW for the first time. i was not really pleased with my results but again i didn't really do it correctly. i need to start practicing with RAW if i plan on getting better with it. i also need to invest in a couple more CF cards.. if i shoot in JPEG i can get 1500 images on a 2GB CF [compact flash] card.. shoot in RAW on the same card and you can only get 200 images.. HUGE difference huh? i am determined to stick with RAW. i just have to slowly invest in more flash cards.. that's all.. 

well, i did get my BIG cleaning done before my friend made it here.. i got everything out that i wanted out (except ebay.. i hope in two weeks it will be allllll gone).  next phase for me is deep cleaning.. where i get into the nooks and crannies.. i did a lot of that last week but not all of it.. time to make a new list.. once that is done the fun part of nesting can start.. washing all of ashtons things and sewing stuff for him etc. i can't wait. i am just so happy that i got done with the gutting of our apartment. i look around and feel relaxed that i can clean today and not have a lot to do. it's a great feeling! david loves it too.. we sat around last night and he kept commenting how great it was to have all this room.. it is great.. once i get it all completed i will share pictures of our tiny 550sqft apartment for a baby lmao. 

still in pain. :o( still miserable.

are my antibiotics working or not?! my teeth stilllll hurt. even more so when i eat. i have been forced on a liquid diet that isn't doing me any favors. i tried eating a sandwich yesterday and ended up in a lot of pain and unable to enjoy the day. on the other hand, i was able to get some rest last night without waking up in pain every half hour. i think my pain med combo works when i am not using my mouth. i used to take benadryl sinus and allergy. it didn't really work with managing my discomfort.. it also required a heating pad every 30mins. just to get some rest.. i ended up switching my formula to sudafed PE, regular benadryl, and two tyelnol and the pain seemed to disappear for awhile (3hours tops).. only for awhile though. it's still tolerable and i don't really need narcotics to help with the pain.. however, i am really exhausted from the constant pain and fact i can't eat normal food at all! 

my bestfriend and her daughter are still here and i have not been able to enjoy them one bit thanks to the pain. i am getting aggravated with it. i feel like narcotics is the only way out at this point. it would allow me to have a real meal so i am not starving to death and able to enjoy ONE day without one once of pain. but at the same time knock me out for a week. i just want the pain to stop. when are the antibiotics going to kick in and kill the bacteria causing my problem huh?! working on day three here! throw me a frickin' bone!

i haven't taken any pictures of emily like i had planned. i would love to but with a sinus headache and tooth pain do i really want to get down and dirty to take pictures.. no. i don't. my bestfriend thinks she is laced with bad luck and spreads it to other people.. the last time she was here i ended up with a sinus infection lol. funny how that works. i feel bad that i can't be a better hostess to her.

david has made up for it though. at least in my opinion he has. he spends a lot of time with emily. she played favorites.. demanded david follow her eve-ry-where.. at the park, he was the only one going down the slides with her.. tanna was busy taking cute pictures and i well, besides in pain.. obviously pregnant. david would have had a cow if i got on a slide.. i actually got stuck in a hole with emily and david was not amused.. lol.. tanna and i were in tears laughing so hard. we also went window shopping at our favorite town center. they had a water fountain and emily just had a BLAST with it! i sat there watching and thinking how crappy it was that i didn't bring my camera because there was a lot of potential. david made sure emily got close to the fountain. she ran around yelling "come on" and grabbing his hand pulling him to follow her the entire time.. 

later that evening tanna and i were laying on my bed alone.. we could hear emily playing outside in the living room with david.. it was like that for a few hours when all of a sudden it got quiet.. tanna noticed it and figured emily must have fallen asleep.. she opened the door to check it out and there she was.. fast asleep on david.. he was rocking her in our rocker, passed out.. in one arm she was holding/gripping her favorite teddy bear.. it was seriously a picture perfect moment but my camera wasn't charged and too far away for me to do anything about it. that was around 10pm or so and it's now almost 8am and she is still asleep! i haven't heard one peep from her all night. so as i said.. david has been the best this weekend and spending time with emily.. we have these bath letters that stick to the wall when wet.. she loves them.. she brings them to david and david will take them all out and help recite them to her as she lines them up on the floor.. she is one smart cookie..s he knows a lot of her letters all ready.. 

david is going to be such a great dad.. he really is.. watching him with emily proves it. HOWEVER, david has no clue how much energy a small toddler can have.. on our way home last night he mentioned how emily will be out like a light bulb since we took her to the park lolzzzzz. granted she did GO to sleep quicker than the night before, but it still took a few hours to knock her out. david looked like he was ready to pass out six hours before her LMAO.. either way.. david was patient and kind the entire time.. he is such a great person.. i love him!

well, i am hoping to have a better day today... my tooth still hurts as i am typing this but maybe it will feel better in a few hours.. at least i hope.. i have to take pictures of emily and today is the last day so i am going to force myself to try :o/..

i had a really rough night last night.. one of the roughest in a long time. i also witnessed a cat being run over a few times by the same car on the way to the doctors. it was very traumatic and i was in hysterics/tears for like an hour.. i can't stop hugging my cats today. anyway, the antibiotics have kicked in and i haven't needed any pain meds since 6am this morning. i am so happy i went to the doctor when i did because it got worse over night before the antibiotics kicked in (and that wasn't until this morning). i got so much done yesterday though. i am extremely proud of myself. i still have a lot to do today but it's no where near as much as it has been.. i bet i can finish it all in a few short hours.. i am going to be SO HAPPY when i get this place finished.. i am going to start ebay on monday. i can't wait to get rid of all this ebay stuff and have some extra money to spend on ashton lol. i have a million things i want to make for ashton so i need the $$. 

i tripped for the first time tonight. i landed on all fours thankfully but it still hurt. i was walking to the kitchen to get me some chocolate and my yoga pants tripped me.. david freaked out. i have to say i was pretty freaked out myself. i did NOT see it coming. i need to start being more careful! just wanted to document this moment lol.. hey i am 30 weeks with 70days left.. how crazy is that?!

ladies and gentleman.. this deserved a post by itself.  i am cleaning out the kitchen this morning. trying to get a lot done before i leave to see a doctor, and i decided i should probably throw out any old/expired food in the pantry/freezer/fridge. 4 and half HUGE trash bags people! HOW THE HELL did i have that much crap sitting in my pantry/freezer/fridge for so damn long?! no wonder i feel like i have NOTHING to eat here lol. it's a shame really. i need to work on not wasting food from now on.. maybe get meals by day. it's a pain to go to the store everyday but that is just ridiculous how much i threw out.  it makes me sick thinking about it. 

what cold looks like on a cat.

y'all, it's cold outside. 45f brrrrrrrr. i turned on the heater for the first time this season. i suppose the down comforter is coming out today! yay for fluffy soft beds!

my sinus infection is getting worse :0(. that means i will be seeing a doctor today..  i hope my doctor, whomever that may be, (i plan on seeing my internal med doctor but if she can't get me in i might just go to an urgent care place) doesn't give me a hard time for wanting antibiotics. i hardly got any rest last night thanks to the pain. it's doable and manageable during the day but at night it's getting worse. i need to nip this in the butt before it gets way worse and i find myself in the ER in the middle of the night crying and begging for drugs (this has happened more than a few times. the pain really is that unbearable). ugh so aggravating. i know i am getting these sinus infections due to allergies since i only ever get them when the seasons change! i also read that pregnant women are three times more likely to end up with a sinus infection.. so it sucks.. i just hope they give me what i want and i can get over this without it getting worse. 

i am tired today because i didn't get any sleep and i have been working my butt off cleaning this apartment.. i REALLy hope my immunity doesn't drop because of it. i can't afford to get sick. i still have tons to do in this apartment and my bestfriend is on her way today to stay with me for the weekend.. so i really have a lot to do today. this just sucks sucks sucks. 

NOT AGAIN!

it seems like i am trying to get another sinus infection. doesn't surprise me.. i usually get them every six months.. in the fall and spring (when the seasons change). it has to do with allergies or something. anyway my teeth are starting to hurt again. my sinus cavity is extremely close to my dental nerves. when pressure [from a sinus infection] starts building up it pushes on my dental nerves and causes extreme discomfort.. at this point the pain is manageable with tylenol and i have started up my netipot again to help clear out any mucus and pressure. also taking some sudafed with it.. i am crossing my fingers it gets better not worse. i really don't want to take antibiotics or worse narcotics because of the extreme pain i can end up in. if it shows no improvement by tomorrow i am calling the doctor.. this blows!

i have completed so much in the last few days. my energy levels have gone up again. i wonder if my thyroid had to do something with it. i was extremely tired in Germany. when i came back to get my [thyroid] levels checked the doctor told me i needed the 88mcg and was happy i started it instead of sticking with my old dosage.. it's been 5 weeks since i started the 88mcg, so i am almost positive that my borderline hypo was causing my low levels of energy. what a difference a small increase can do! don't get me wrong i am still exhausted by the evening (positive that has to do with me being pregnant). but i wake up fully refreshed and ready to start my day.. no naps needed.. anyway. i still have tons to do in my "nesting; phase one". hahaha. but my list is getting smaller by the day. with a lot of our crap/junk gone we are starting to have more room again! i just hope this sinus infection or pre-sinus infection goes away on it's own.. 

yesterday was a warm beautiful day. reaching over 80f. the weather forecasters claim it will probably be our last day of warmth for a long while. a big cold front is supposed to be headed through sometime this afternoon. it's 7:15am and i just heard thunder. part of me is sad to see this warm weather go (warm NOT HOT.. i am happy to see HOT weather gone lol). 

OMG I HAVE TO HAVE these!!!

wouldn't ashton look oh so cute in these?! OMG I am resisting to get out our credit card and get them.. lol.. they are handmade and a sign i need to stop looking at etsy.com

AH they are too stinking cute.. i might beg david to let me get them.

blogging from our little corner of paradise.. (i love this rocker)

our rocker is now in the "very clean" corner lol. i am loving it here.. the area isn't completely finished but the rocker has a home now. it's out of the way and david can't put his feet on the tv anymore.. he is putting together my nursing stool that he had to have right this second (not joking. babiesrus closed at 7pm. he still wanted to get it even though it was 6:45.. we arrived TWO minutes before they closed lol!). we also stocked up on more diapers (huggies) and wipes since we had a large coupon that expired in a few days.. we have another next week (pampers) lol.. diapers are expensive! i am glad we are getting them now.. it will be nice not to have to worry about getting diapers the first few months or six (let's hope). ha.

the place is still a big gigantic mess but the fact the rocker now has a home and is officially out of the way.. i feel relaxed and calm. i feel like i am on top of the hill and all that is left is down. i decided to keep my old computer drawers (think cheap plastic kind).. i am going to store it underneath the dining table where you can't sit (thanks to david's classy kegarator). i am on a huge, "sew ashton everything" kick. and i know i am going to need the space.. making space for him has been such a challenge yet surprisingly doable! 

i am seriously loving this corner! ;o)

annndddd. it's outta here!

8year old desk, vintage computer, beat up computer chair that didn't match one damn thing are finally gone! i didn't get everything done as i wanted.. as usual. but we did get the big stuff out.. either in storage, goodwill, or the trash. we still have a lot to do today. we have to deep clean the "corner". it's really gross.. nasty gross.. so gross i don't even want my cats to set a foot on it. david and i decided in order to put the rocker there, without feeling gross, we would need to get a rug to lay in the corner. and that is where our rug drama rama began!

i wanted to go over to target yesterday evening just to "look" at what they had.. i don't want to spend a load of money on a nice rug for our tiny apartment. i would rather measure and pay for a good rug when we get a house. i wasn't really planning on buying a rug last night. after viewing them for a few mins david said, "we're getting one". he picked out this nice 100% cotton rug.. nice but didn't really match our living room. i am sick of things not matching.. i did see some shag rugs.. i love shag rugs.. maybe it's the fact our carpet sucks (i am a wood floor girl myself) but i love soft fluffy things. they were affordable.. david thinks they look cheap.. not walmart cheap but cheap.. one thing i wasn't too pleased with is the fact they are made out of nylon.. david was persistent in getting a rug last night.. so without better judgement we got two new rugs for our living room.. the cheap shag rugs. ($100 for both). "at least they are machine washable" was my thought.

something about me buying the rugs without really looking at other places bothered me.. i ended up doing some research and found something called a flokati rug. they are made out of 100% wool and are machine washable. not too expensive.. i tried talking david into letting me take back my fake target shag (flokati look-alike) rug and buying the real stuff.. we are looking at $140 more for the real stuff (not really top quality. top quality flokati rugs can easily reach $1000) and to be honest.. the two rugs we have.. the sizes, don't really fit our living room very well.. so.. david thinks it's best to wait until we have a house.. where we can get a more accurate size that actually fits in the room. perhaps even get the better quality flokati and not settling for a cheaper quality real flokati.. he wins.. deep down i know he is right.. the cheap target fake flokati shag rugs are better than what we have anyway. besides they probably won't be used for more than a year. so there you have it.. we have two new (cheap fake) rugs.. i just pray the cats don't puke a huge ass hairball on them. 

we have a lot of work cut out for us today. our desk is gone and we have no where to store our office crap lmao.. nothing my beloved containerstore couldn't solve. so much to get still.. my list of DIY sewing projects is getting longer by the hour! the project craft bug has bitten me hard and i can't wait to start sewing stuff again.

i want to share a dream.. it's been awhile since i have had a weird pregnancy dream. last night i dreamed that i had ashton.. i waited a WHOLE DAY to feed him his first food and change his diaper. how bad of a parent does that make me?! i plan on breast feeding (in real life) and i gave my baby a bottle instead! then my little cute ashton turned into a cat (wtf.. i mean this has happened to me more than once in my dreams.. why do all my kids turn into cats?!) where i had to force him to poo and pee like the mother cats do with their young ones. it was so bizarre. i woke up to ashton kicking the crap out of me and feeling guilty that i gave him formula on his first day and felt like a huge failure for not breast feeding! lmao.

anyone want a temporary husband for a few weeks? mine is driving me crazy right now and is purposely getting on my nerves. he cleans (if you aren't particular about how things are done) and gives great foot rubs.. isn't too big of a picky eater (hates broccoli, mushrooms, and tomatoes..) though, he won't sit still and constantly does the opposite of what you want/ask.. he is fully potty trained and puts the seat down.. takes two showers daily.. you can only keep him for a few weeks though.. anyone want him? lol ;oP

seriously though, david is driving me bonkers today.. i wish he had somewhere to go or do so i could be at peace getting things done without him screwing things up. he goes on and on how he doesn't want me stressing out or feeling overwhelmed with what needs to be done. yet, he doesn't understand that his "help" or whatever he believes he is doing is only annoying and more aggravating and stresses/overwhelms me.. despite my protest.. why is it so hard for him to, "lay on the couch and watch tv or play on teh computer until i am done"?.. is it really hard being lazy? lol.. am i the only one who thinks lazy is the best and easy thing to do? HAHAHAHA.. 

i finally got all my old files transferred from my old computer to the laptop.. it required a thumbUSB file storage. now i can tackle the desk area to make room for the rocker (which i can't wait to finish. david keeps sticking his damn feet on the tv as a foot stool and drives me nuts! I wouldn't let my kids do it. so why should he? it also makes me nervous.. our tv weighs over 200lbs..the stand only holds like 220lbs or something.. maybe even less. with someone adding pressure to the tv it could cause the glass to break.. amiright?).. UGH. i wanted to get the office spot completely done today but david is starting to stress me out. if he would just sit still and stop asking me what i am doing every damn time it would be such a breeze.. in away i think david is like a toddler.. i should take him to the zoo.. let him chase birds and squirrels till he is blue in the face, tire him out so we can come back and he will take a nap.. LMAO then i can get things done in peace.. 

okay enough of me whining and bitching.. break over.. must get back to dealing with an adult sized toddler and trying to get this place finished before i go completely out of my mind!

big tex + fletcher's corny dogs =must be the Texas State Fair

sugar hangover.

that's what i have this morning. my head hurts like a beotch. i feel blah. we went to the Texas State Fair yesterday. it was a blast. however, my legs felt like they were going to pop out of my hip sockets and beat me to death by the end of the night. i am sore as hell this morning. i had nothing but junk the entire time there.. i had two caramel apples.. 2 corny dogs.. a little bit of david's funnel cake. peanut patty. ice cream. dublin dr.pepper. a chocolate milk. honey sticks. and for breakfast david and i went to chick-fil-a since we had a our chiropractor appointment early that morning (well i did have a fruit bowl with my breakfast and the two caramel apples sort of count as healthy, right?). so overall, i had nothing but junk yesterday and i am feeling it today! (still no word on whether or not i passed or failed my glucose test.. so i made sure to enjoy the fair just in case lol).

david and i can not wait until next year when ashton will be with us (he will be 9 months!). he is going to love the fair. it was supposed to be a "warm" day.. reaching 82f but i don't even think it went over 70f.
 

seriously the best corn dogs ever made. did you know they were invented at the Texas State Fair? Fletcher's is the original!

the syncopated ladies, tap dancers. they were so cute!

snaggle tooth wondering where his treat is. at the children's barnyard (petting zoo). 

i call this picture, "the day i was hit in the head by a stork". no joke. there is this really great show (and my favorite part of the fair) called, "Birds of the World". they have these beautiful huge birds fly really low over you while talking about the species and how to conserve/help them (it's hosted by a bird rescue group). they send out a really great message while entertaining you at the same time. anyhoo.. here i am thinking, "OMGOSH, i am finally going to get a shot of a huge bird flying over us". that is until the storks feet slapped me in the forehead. lol. it was hilarious! later when i was reviewing the pictures i couldn't believe i caught it on camera!

we got in free to the butterfly exhibit. it was a chilly day so the butterflies weren't moving much. 

an interesting bug in the butterfly exhibit. view larger here.

another lonely yet interesting bug that i have never seen before.

recharging on our second fletcher's corny dog of the day.

someday, when we aren't so poor, we will get a nissan murano.

strange hog. i have never seen one of these on the streets before. have you?

since i am pregnant and all, david wouldn't let me ride on any of the "safe" slow rides or toddler fun houses.. (i think he was more motivated by the expensive cost of the rides than my safety). ::eye roll:: lol. so i took pictures and pretended i rode them.

the famous Texas Star ferris wheel. not only is it huge, it's expensive. $10 a person. david and i have only ridden it once and probably won't again until ashton is a little older. it's just to expensive to ride every.single.year.

Texas Star ferris wheel effect.

i forgot what the name of this effect is. it isn't photoshopped. you  set your camera on a long exposure and you zoom in at the same time. anyway it's a pretty neat effect and the first time i have tried it! 

our favorite funhouse that we go in every year. except this year. 

another fun looking funhouse.. i don't remember ever going on this one. i might have to try it out next year.

even if i wasn't pregnant, i would NOT ride this ride. lol. watching it made me sick to my stomach. but it makes a pretty picture while in motion :o)

not that i need anymore sugar in my diet or anything. but..  it should be illegal to sell salt water taffy in 14oz boxes as your only option! david will never ever let me get a box of taffy because a) it's $10, and b) as i said, 14oz boxes.. that almost a pound!

they have all these new midway signs everywhere. but my favorite has always been this classic vintage one. took it on our way out. see you next year state fair!

it took her a week to claim her new throne.

i was positive it would only take a few days. she has been laying in it alllll day (a sure sign she is loving it). this will probably be one of her favorite spots this winter for my cold natured cat. we just love our rocker. it's really comfortable. it's still being broken in though. so it will be a few more months until it's perfect. i can't wait to rock ashton in it. if anyone is wondering why i didn't take a better picture of our rocker, it's because the place is a wreck and i still have yet to make room for our rocker lmao.

this post will fall into the way too much info category. sooo, if you don't want to be grossed out.. skip this post.

i have been lactating for over a month now. but it was never enough to really be embarrassing. that is, until today. i have had to change my shirt THREE times today and it's only 1pm. i wear shelf bra camis for bras since they are the most comfortable. i knew the day would come when i would have to give them up for nursing tops but i had no idea it would be so soon! nursing tops/bras are NOT cheap (if you get the good stuff). ::le-sigh:: i tried nursing pads but they show through my tops and don't really stay in place. so i guess a nursing top/bra is the next step. :o/

joys of having a baby right?!

according to this website, this is what ashton will look like.

a face only a mother could love.

HAHAHAHAHA. omg.. for ashton's sake let's hope not! i laughed so hard when i saw this..  we have done this before a few years ago, at one of those photobooth stands at the mall.. let's just say.. the child was "special" too. LOL.

i think i might make (sew) a  new diaper bag. david is trying to air out our current one before i screw it up by sticking it in the washer. lol. david is fine with me buying a new one but i figured it is my fault i screwed up the last one and to be honest i am rather shocked it isn't easier to clean considering it's a diaper bag. so, i might just make one that i can wash in the wash easily.. i really love this bag (and fabric!).. though it isn't made to be used as a diaper bag.. i figured it would still work as one.. 

this one is designed to be a diaper bag. i like it too but not as much as above.

i love amy butler.. her fabrics and her patterns..

busy weekend.. i still haven't finished my walk-in closet or desk area. though, i have made significant progress. not only that but david has started nesting too and has even suggested getting rid of more stuff.. stuff i figured he would never want to put up etc. i couldn't believe my ears when he said he wanted to store the keyboard.. it's not really in the way but it would make the room feel much larger without it. david put together this huge farm set my mom got ashton in Germany.. the thing is freaking cool.. we have it sitting on our dining room table right now, david wants to take a picture of it when i have finished nesting the house.. it really is one of the neatest toys i have ever seen.. david couldn't get over how detailed it was.. it took him two days to put the thing together.. it's huge and awesome.

david even agreed to let me downsize our filing cabinet.. i purchased a smaller portable type filer. we cleaned out and tossed our 12 year old crappy cabinet out and realized we were going to need a shredder.. we started shredding stuff yesterday and we have so much to shred that our shredder kept overheating and turning itself off.. we would have to wait like an hour to let it cool etc. before continuing.. lol. i still have tons of things to shred. 

ashton kept me up most of the night last night. the boy has gotten STRONG.. i love that he moves so much. it's tiring to have to wake up a million times because he kicks me in the ribs or something but it's reassuring that he is a healthy little baby. plus i love feeling him move.. even when i am exhausted and really want the sleep. i think this is going to be the part that i miss this most when he comes out.. not having him to myself and being able to feel him move all the time.. 11weeks or less and he will be here! omg. i better get this whole nesting done.

for people who think i am nuts for  freaking out on planes during turbulence..

http://www.miamiherald.com/416/story/720616.html

yeah.. now what do you have to say for yourself? turbulence is NO JOKE and i have every reason to be scared of it! tiaverymuch!

i slept nine hours last night. i worked my ass off yesterday. i got ashtons storage shelves set up and started putting up his stuff.. i need to wash his clothes but i went ahead and put them up nicely for now. when i get this place situated and ebay started, i will start washing his stuff. i also realized we don't have enough clothes for ashton. it felt like a lot (before) because they were stuffed in this huge bag. but once i separated them (in sizes) it doesn't seem like much. which means more clothing YAY! ::HUGE SMILE:: i think david just pissed his pants a little.. clothes shopping for ashton can add up quickly for me.. we don't need much in clothing just a few essentials here and there.. maybe a few more cute outfits.. then i will be done until he is older. david was proud last night because he thinks we only have a few more items to get, but i made a huge ass list of things we still need.. not want, but need.. lolzzzz. the walk-in closet still isn't finished.. david did a number on it while i was gone.. stuffing whatever he felt needed to be there.. not folding the sheets martha stewart style and the way he folded his white shirts is bugging me! so i have that on my list.. lol.. but it's almost completed.. next up is the computer/office area.. i need to get some things off our harddrive on the old vintage cpu and try to transfer it over to our laptop and then i will need to dissemble the desk. we need to go to ikea this weekend or sometime soon to get a laptop table and some other items, like new blinds! money moneymoney.. that is all that this boils down to in the end.. poor david.. but you know.. we need things.. and i need to be organized because i am ocd like that.. i can't stand just to throw stuff anywhere and it add up.. making room for ashton in this tiny apartment has been a challenge but with a little bit of organization help, i think it's doable! i just can't wait until this part is over.. i figure this is the top of the hill for me.. once i complete the big tasks, it will be downhill from there.. until ashton comes that is. 

OMG WHAT A DAY!

you will never believe what showed up today!

OUR ROCKER!

we were told it wouldn't be shipped out until the 17th and that we would receive an email letting us know when it was shipped (we never received a shipped email).. it hasn't even been a week since i ordered it and it's HERE!.. i am officially freaking right now. i was expecting to have a little more time to get the computer desk etc out of here (another big chore).. and here i am with the bedroom a big gigantic mess because i am working on getting the walk in closet ready for ashton's storage.. lol.. man.. 

don't get me wrong, i am very pleased that my rocker came early.. not only that, i realized i ordered the wrong fabric (i ordered last friday, while in Germany!).. emailed them friday night to ask them if it was possible to change the fabric.. i was worried about it because the place i ordered it from is closed on weekends.. figured i was screwed with the wrong fabric choice.. but monday, (THE DAY after i get back from Germany!) they sent me an email letting me know they changed it for me.. and here it is, sitting in our living room on THURSDAY! is that not the craziest? i am very happy with my fabric choice.. it matches our colors PERFECTLY! i 110% recommend totallyfurniture.com for any purchase.. i am amazed that there are still great companies out there who get the job done! research pays off!

YAY FOR OUR NEW AWESOME ROCKER! i can't wait for david to get home to put it together! now i am off to container store to get ashton's storage shelves.. fun stuff i tell ya! i just have to remind myself that it's going to get done and it's going to be great when it's all finished.. right?! right?!!!!

good news.. i am not a fatty! 

at least that is what my OBGYN says.. in fact she says i am UNDERweight. ha.. take that sucka! she is not concerned one bit that i gained a lot of weight this last month.. she believes what i suspected, i probably gained muscle weight along with my normal fat gain and baby gain that is part of pregnancy.. (anyone who has been to Europe KNOWS you do a lot of walking and stair climbing). she said, "even if you gain a pound a week for the rest of your pregnancy.. which is your goal.. you would still be 'underweight' by the time the baby came.. you have only gained 16lbs since you got pregnant and you are more than half way done with your pregnancy" of course not by much.. maybe two pounds underweight.. but it was a relief to hear that i am not some big fatty who is gaining like a cow or something.. i swear i don't eat that much.. i eat when i am hungry and eat pretty balanced with a few chocolate or candy bits here and there.. i never eat fried food or fast food for that matter.. i drink mostly water and milk, no soda's. so i have no idea where the weight could have come from..  honestly, i don't care as long as i am healthy for ashton.. if my gestational diabetes test comes back negative, then i won't worry so much..

the glucose drink tasted like a super sweet fruit punch.. i am still skeptic on whether i passed or not.. hopefully so.. lol.. because i loooove sweets! it wouldn't shock me one bit if i failed.. my blood pressure is normal and ashton's heart rate today was 147bpm. i love ashton so much! i seriously can not wait for him to be here.. i tear up when i think about him.. how thankful i am to at least be at this part of my pregnancy.. so far pregnancy has been easy for me.. i really enjoy being pregnant.. i am sure that is going to change towards the end of the trimester but right now i really reallylove being pregnant! braxton hicks have started..  

i had way more energy yesterday. i was able to get some things done.. not much but some.. lol.. i even cooked dinner and did laundry! i was out like a light bulb before 10pm though.. my goal today is to finish the walk-in closet.. doesn't sound like there could be a lot to do in a walk-in closet but there is.. i want to get ashtons shelving sometime soon (if not today) so i can start putting up his stuff instead of it sitting on the floor in a overflowing bag.. i was going to get elfa storage.. but after visiting 'the container store' sunday (i could spend all my money there btw) and seeing what other options i have.. i might get a cheaper set of shelves.. next week or even maybe starting this weekend i plan getting ebay going.. i have so much junk to sell.. going to start slow.. three to four pieces every few days.. until it's all gone.. that way i won't get burned out and stressed that all my auctions end at once.. i hope it brings in some money.. we could use it for ashton's stuff! the boy can never have too many clothes in my opinion!

a few nights ago david wanted to get a couple packages of diapers and some bottles lol..  we started diaper collecting a while back and boy do we have a lot.. i am sure it isn't even near as much as we are going to need though.. but i think we have a pretty good start in newborn and size one diapers (mostly pampers and huggies supreme).. i researched like a maniac on what type of bottles to get.. i 100% plan on breast feeding and for the first 40days he will be exclusively breast fed.. but david really wants a chance to feed the baby (breast feeding books recommend you wait 40days before introducting pacifiers or bottles to help develop a good strong latch). it's hard finding a bottle that won't cause nipple confusion.. thankfuly after hours of research, playtex naturalatch seems to be our best bet.. the nipple is designed for breast fed babies.. i hope and pray that ashton will take to it without any problems.. only time will tell!

for the first time in a very long time. i woke up and felt fully refreshed.. 

my doctor appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday has me worrying today. he's glad i started the 88mcg while in Europe, says my numbers look better and where they should be but wants me to continue for another week and come back for more blood work in a week before he decides to keep me at it.. the part that worries me is that i gained 11lbs in one month.. i don't feel any heavier than i did before i got my positive on my pregnancy test.. any weight i have gained has been primarily in my stomach.. my thighs.. butt.. arms etc have stayed the same (boobs did get bigger though).. he was concerned about me having gestational diabetes and now i am totally freaked out about my test tomorrow (1hr glucose test at the gyno).. i looooove sugar.. and even though i eat balanced and healthy for my meals i find myself (especially in Europe) eating chocolate or pastries as snacks.. lol.. i know it isn't a big deal but i really don't want to have to deal with it.. 

david broke our shower.. ::shakes head:: so now i am forced to hurry up and get some cleaning done today so our maintenance worker doesn't think i am some kind of slob.. geesh.. (at least the bathroom is clean) i still haven't unpacked.. is that not nuts? it's just sitting on our bedroom floor.. and i pulled out all of ashtons clothes to admire them and tell ashton how handsome he is going to look.. and instead of putting them back in the bag i just laid them right on top of my unpacked bags lmao.. such a mess.. but today i have so much more energy.. at least currently i do.. i should take advantage of it..

david isn't to happy i want a new diaper bag.. he wants to douse the current bag in some kind of natures  miracle liquid.. um.. no.. that stuff smells worse than vinegar.. lol.. but he didn't say no if i wanted to get a new diaper bag.. i showed him the one i love.."it's girly but not as bad as a pink diaper bag", was his response.. when i asked if he would carry it.. he said "i guess". lmao. i threw the toddler plus baby bit to him.. on why we needed to get a bigger bag.. he was smart and said "couldn't we get it when that time comes?".. but i don't think we can.. i have my camera to carry around too.. where the hell is it going to go? it's not some point and shoot size.. it would be nice to carry it all in one bag.. a huge diaper bag that is.. :o)

oh forgot to announce that i am now in the THIRD TRIMESTER! so exciting! i never thought i would get this far.

i can only imagine it gets "worse".

i have been so exhausted lately.. first, i thought it might have to do with my thyroid.. since i was taking 75mcg of synthroid and my endo told me to take the 88mcg if i felt more exhausted than usual.. so i started them three weeks ago while in Europe. but the exhaustion remained the same. then i bulked it up to that we were just really busy in Europe.. always going places and moving around etc. but yesterday, when i woke up early and felt tired still i thought how it could have to do with the travel.. i mean different time zone.. jet lag.. all that fun stuff.. now i am not so sure..  i think it's just the pregnancy.. i fell asleep before 11pm last night.. i remember david trying to wake me up off the couch to come to bed and i was protesting him wanting to stay put because my body just wanted to SLEEP! then he wanted to cuddle and i wasn't having any of it.. sleep was the only thing i wanted.. poor david.. i feel so bad for him.. to not have anyone around to hug or talk to for almost three weeks then your wife comes back and she's too tired to do anything.. i can only wish this weekend will hurry up.. for david's sake.. i just can't explain why i am so tired all the time.. i had blood work done yesterday for my endo appointment today.. i wonder if the 88mcg helped at all.. even though i don't feel "energized". 

 i need to make another list.. since the list i made in germany only reflects what i THOUGHT i had to do.. now that i am here it's more.. so yeah.. and let me emphasize what i said prior before i realized how much there was to do.. THERE IS A LOT TO DO! i don't know if two months will be enough time to get it all done but i will figure it out somehow.. 

i am also bummed out about my beautiful Fleurville diaper tote.. i used it as a carry on, on my way to Germany.. for some stupid reason i put my orange juice that i got off the plane in the bag and forgot about it (it was a very busy time.. hectic..) it ended up being squashed and spilled all over the inside (it was a sealed container btw).. I HAD no idea this had happened until we got back from Paris and realized something smelled horribly wrong.. i washed it out and cleaned it as best as i could. but i don't think there is any hope of restoring the bag.. it smells like 100 smelly feet and a few dead animals.. i gag when i get a whiff of it.. now i am looking into another diaper bag.. another Fleurville.. it's a bit bigger than the tote (mothership)..  we might need it anyway.. as the tote isn't really large enough for a toddler.. baby, yes.. toddler, no.. (plus, and i don't know why i didn't think about this the first time we got the bag, what if i have a toddler and a baby? which is our plan btw) i want to douse the old bag in vinegar and let it air out for a month LMAO.. but then i am afraid the vinegar will only make it worse.. i just don't know what to do..  i have to get a new bag though.. i really like this one.. 

but it's $150 and the old blue.. (below) is on sale for $98.

i should get the older one since i already have one diaper bag and ruined it.. lol.. but i realllly love the new one more than the old.. david doesn't know i want a new diaper bag yet.. but he might agree we need a new one if i can't fix the smell of our tote and the fact the tote will be way too small for two kids.. i really LOVE this diaper bag. 

i think david would think it's too girly (at least it isn't PINK) lmao.. but who knows.. maybe the thought of ashton actually coming (since i got the other diaper bag way before i got pregnant.. i used it a purse)he might not feel silly carrying a baby around and a girly diaper bag.. i see men carrying girly pink diaper bags all the time..  our other diaper bag.. the tote is all black and looks unisex.. david doesnt' want his OWN bag. we would have to constantly switch out all the crap or whatever and he would rather just deal with ONE bag and be done with it.. 

other news, i didn't blog about it here at the time..  my mom purchased our rocker for us.. such a generous gift.. david and i refused to get the typical ugly gliders and the ones we felt we would be happy with were like $700.. david put his foot down on spending $700 on a ugly chair (our opinion only), it would only be used for less than 6years or so.. we have always loved the chicago textile puff rocker.. we went to the store and tested it out several times during the summer.. decided there that this is the rocker we would end up getting.. $330 is still pretty high but at least the rocker can be used for a lot longer and matches with our living room decor.. i can't wait for it get here.. this is what it looks like but ours is in a different color.. 

the rocker is the most comfortable rocker we have ever sat in. don't let the small size fool you.. the chair is HUGE (below).

i can't wait for it to finally arrive.. it has to be custom made so it will be awhile, but i hope it will arrive before October is up.. again, mom, if you are reading this.. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the chair! we are going to love it!

well, i better get off this damn computer and start making that TO DO LIST.. ack.. i have a ton of Europe pictures to share but it will be a few days before i will post them.. i still need to process them.

i'm back! traveling while pregnant is sort of hard on your body.. i made it through though (and i would do it again).. however, my schedule is out of wonk.. david had the same problem when he came back.. waking up way too early.. ashton's schedule is still on track and he was moving up a storm when i woke up this morning (it would be 11am in Germany). our flight was okay.. had a bit of heavy (scary) turbulence over Chicago.. (i will be honest, i flipped out during that part) other than that, it was a pretty good flight.. i was exhausted and wanted to sleep but decided to hang out with david and do some window shopping and hit up a restaurant for dinner.. i was swollen from the flight.. it was a strange sensation to wear flip flops and shorts when you have been in the cold for a month.. i still feel a little bit swollen this morning.. i have to get some blood work done today (bleh!).. i am starting to feel tired again as if i could go back to sleep.. i think i might try to get a few more hours in.. david cleaned up our apartment nicely for me but there is a lot of gutting and renovating to do LMAO.. and it isn't just women who "nest".. david has it just as bad as i do.. which surprised me..

i took these pictures this evening on our way home from visiting my aunt (not far from where we live, 2 villages to be exact).. it's currently grape harvesting season right now... the grapes are sweet and prime for wine.. 

two weeks ago i cried about david leaving and how i wished i was leaving with him.. it took me a full day to get over it.. now i lay here wishing i didn't have to leave! i have been really exhausted and tired lately.. i'm not sure if it's because of the weather (chilly, windy, rainy) or if ashton is sucking the life out of me (it could be a little bit of both). it makes me feel like i didn't get to take full advantage of my stay here.. and now i have a million regrets already as i only have one full day left. the fact my nesting has begun (though, being around my ocd clean family didn't help) and david's constant fret over birthing classes, insurance, and "how the hell are we going to afford all the crap we still need" emails. it was hard to feel calm or energized! then on top of that i would sit here around at midnight anxiously waiting for david to get online. so i stayed up way later than i should have most nights trying to talk to him for one second. i feel sad and empty again like the day david left.. i love it here so much and i feel like i didn't take full advantage of it. now i have to go pack up my things and all i want to do is bury my face in the pillow and CRY! EMOTIONAL! i blame that on the pregnancy too! next time i will visit i will have a little boy to bring along!

on the other end though.. i am happy to be going back to the states. david can wrap his loving warm arms around me and i can breathe a sigh of relief as i suck his scent in.. then i get to see my cats.. oh HOW I MISSED velveeta! i missed all four of my cats but velveeta i missed the most! i found this picture of her that i took right before i left over a month ago! 

omgosh i want to hold her so bad! i will be happy to be back home so i can start gutting out our apartment (boy, do i have a list going) and start getting ready for baby ashton's arrival.. (an even bigger list). our goal is to have everything done in two months even though ashton is supposed to be here in three.. christmas is always a happy yet stressful time for us (okay just me.. david is the most relaxed around christmas). the last thing i need or WANT is to drive my big fat pregnant butt out in holiday traffic and deal with the holiday crowds to get what i need for him.. i picture my last month of pregnancy barefoot, inside my warm heated home, baking cookies and stuffing my face full of holiday food, not feeling one bit guilty about it and watching endless hours of christmas movies and shows..

i guess my emotions are just overwhelming for me right now.. perhaps i am wearing down from it without realizing it.. im sad but happy.. makes NO sense.. bottom line.. i don't want to leave here.. but i want david and my cats! david should pack up the cats and come back here and stay here forever.. thats what he should do.. problem solved! we will live happily ever after! figuring life out is so freaking easy! pfft

on the up side.. ashton = a strong fetus! i swear pregnancy is an amazing thing.. it went from tiny little subtle kicks to FULL blown jabs and the movements! goodness.. he is one active little baby!i hope it stays that way.. this evening when we got home from visiting my aunt i laid down to take a break.. ashton was moving around as he always is in the evening (the boy has a schedule and he sticks to it!).. i love feeling him move so i had my hand on my stomach to enjoy it when all of a sudden my digestive system made a loud gurgling noise.. the kind that other people in the room can hear.. it startled ashton (since i'm sure its way louder in utero) he jumped hard.. it surprised me and i couldn't stop laughing.. pooor little baby.. i told my mom i am going to be the mom who laughs if an animal at the petting zoo sneezes on him.. or if he decides to taste sand..instead of freaking out.. i will be with my camera giggling.. good thing hes a boy.. i can't wait to finally meet him! i can't believe he is ALMOST here.. 

and to keep up with the, "anne freaks out about flying theme", our plane better not crash on the way home.. i am TOO excited about this baby and new life to have it all end for me.. HAHA.. no really though.. please pray for a safe flight.. i hate flying.. blah.. i am sure it's going to be fine.. but david wasn't smart about keeping his mouth shut regarding his flight back (lets just say he said "it felt like the plane was going to crash") and i am totally freaking out about it since its the exact same flight and plane i will be flying on sunday.. david had a bad flight to begin with.. the poor boy got wasted the night before because he couldn't keep up with his German peers (nothing to be ashamed of, German drinkers make frat boys look like wimps).. that story will come later with pictures! david had a really bad hangover the next morning (after a.. ehem.. rough night) and ended up sitting next to a guy who filled up two puke bags.. so yeah.. it wasn't a pleasant flight for david to begin with. but he SHOULD have known better to not mention PLANE CRASH to his frail "scared to fly" wife.. amiright? tianft